The Exploding Gopher

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today is an incredibly special day for a number of reasons. One, today is the sixth birthday of the Exploding Gopher. While the actual blog's age doesn't matter, as this is the first post in almost two years, it also marks my sixth year as a member of the blogging world. I have worked through many, many, many, many, many different forums for expressing myself through words, and the promise of free-form online writing has always been alluring to me. Though I have certainly taken some significant breaks from this world, I think it's clear that the blogosphere (and particularly Blogger, itself) has hosted and put up with a good share of my musing.

Second, and more importantly, I recently had a rather surprising opportunity to revisit this original blog project. Like reading through an old journal or diary, the experience was confusing, enlightening, and embarrassing. Sometimes I wrote about what I was thinking but not about what was happening; sometimes I did the opposite. Oftentimes I merely spit out a response to other kinds of media--books, articles, movies, or music. Regardless, reading a host of old writing from my past, particularly the first political writing I ever did, plainly reveals the ways I've grown since I was a young teen. I have, to a certain degree, grown out of my cynicism and negativity. I have refined my political views to make them more logical and consistent with the values by which I want to live. I have experienced living on my own, graduating from university, making my own money, learning to work with children, and connecting with religion and God in a way I never knew possible.

I have also experienced love. I am no expert on the subject, and I will admit that I have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships. However, I also no longer believe that Valentine's Day is a complete sham. Yes, it is a Hallmark holiday. Yes, sometimes the message of a holiday (any holiday) can get messed up by consumerism. Valentine's Day, however, is an opportunity for us to celebrate love. If you can get past the candy hearts, the cutesy cards, the stuffed Cupids with heart-shaped bow-and-arrows, and the red and pink decorations which engulf the aisles of the grocery store, you can actually find something quite meaningful.

In elementary school, Valentine's Day was the day that everybody brought in their piles of cards and candy to class. Remember to bring one for everyone! When you're little, everyone gets to have lots of Valentines. It was a day to walk around and drop your cards in everyone's decorated mail boxes and even a chance to slip a secret note to the one person you really liked. It was one of my favorite days back then, but I lost sight of that carefree happiness. We tend to get tunnel-vision around days like today, and when we don't have a "special someone" with whom we can share the holiday, we end up wanting greeting cards that say "Happy Singles Awareness Day!" But that's not really what Valentine's Day is about either. If anything, it's an opportunity to remind the people in our lives that we love them, and God knows that our world needs more of that.

Finally, I have a not-so-secret note to slip into someone's Valentine's Day mailbox:

I have been lucky enough to be in a relationship with a truly remarkable and beautiful young woman over the past year and a half (ish). She has positively changed my life in every way, and I know that I am a better person for her influence. Whether we're going out with friends, cooking up a storm, or just sitting together playing Nintendo (I know, a girl who plays video games with me--she's a keeper), it's clear that my life would simply not be the same without her. I look forward to seeing her every day. So, Becca, this one's for you:

Happy Valentine's Day. I love you.

Time Undone

2007-03-29T21:11:00.000-06:00

This is the last post to the Exploding Gopher. It's been a great ride. More than three years have passed since my first angry Valentine's Day post in my sophomore year in high school.

A lot has happened since then. I've had three birthdays, I graduated high school, and I even enjoyed a lovely Valentine's Day with a beautiful girl this year.

Keeping up with these changes, my ridiculous, argumentative, silly, blasphemous self has migrated. This just doesn't fit me anymore.

To read new things (verse and prose), please visit me at Time Undone. Take the time to comment if you're going to keep up with the new one. Thanks for a phenomenal few years; I actually did gain a sense of national (and, in a sense, global) community through this experience. I hope that continues as my online personality evolves with me.

Growing up

2006-12-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

This isn't a rambling post like most are, but rather a comment I made today and thought a lot about.

I should back up. I was supposed to go home from school yesterday, but I was snowed into Boulder. The pictures on the news don't do justice to the sheer amount of snow that Colorado experienced this week. Holy shit.

But, I was having breakfast with a couple of people in the dining hall this morning, and it struck me that a similar blizzard hit in 2003 (when I was a freshman in high school) the week before spring break, and I ended up with four extra days without school. I was SO excited. I called all my friends, made more hot chocolate than one freshman could drink, and just spent all of my time relaxing. This blizzard, I was busy worrying about my friends' travel plans, trying to pack and move out for the four weeks of winter break, figuring out how the hell I was going to drive a '95 Civic from Boulder to Denver in this kind of weather (I did it), and just generally being unhappy and wishing I was home.

I've grown up too fast.

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

2006-11-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Funny story. I've been meaning to post to this blog for quite awhile now. I finished a post a couple of nights ago, but didn't really like it. So, I'm starting from scratch. Maybe this time, I'll make sense.

Guess that's not really funny.

I spent the last week at home. It's been very odd living here again, as I've acclimated to college life in my dorm. All of a sudden, my old friends are home, and my new friends are scattered throughout the country. A lot changes in three months.

I guess you never know what you're made of until you move out of the house and live on your own. It's a very weird feeling; I'm still strongly tied to family and friends in Denver, but I've got an entire life built around university in Boulder. It's been a time of self-reflection and discovery.

I've found my roots in Judaism in a way I did not expect. Given the fast-paced, transgression-filled college life, I was surprised to find that (of all things) a fraternity at CU (Alpha Epsilon Pi) actually brought me close to a Jewish community.

I quickly found a group of friends with whom I have a lot in common, and have spent countless hours just getting to know a whole great group of new people. I even miss them, and I've only been away from school for 7 days. The great thing about coming home, though, is that everyone is back in town. It's like it was this summer before we all moved away, except now we all have stories to share. People don't seem to have changed very much, though I know we all feel like we've changed tremendously. I think we'll start to see more of that as we spend more time away from home, discovering ourselves in a completely independent environment.

Thanksgiving was definitely a different experience. It's easier to appreciate home since I've been away from it. The friendships I've forged over the past years are suddenly more meaningful when I can come home and pick things up where they left off. But, as always, here's the list of things I'm thankful for:

~A loving family that has, without question, helped shape me into the person I am today--a family that has done their best by me and provided for me.

~A group of friends who seem always to be there. Whether I've known them three months or thirteen years, I've always had the best of luck with friends. I cannot wait to see how my old friendships continue across large distances; my developing friendships are blooming and I'm excited to see how I learn and grow with all of these new and wonderful people in my life.

~The opportunity to attend an institution of higher education. Many people do not get to experience this, and I'm grateful every day to call myself a student.

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving and you'll hear more from me when I'm back from Hell Month (also known as the weeks leading up to final exams).

More fun with words!

2006-08-20T11:08:00.000-06:00

Any mildly observant individual can find errors in the use of language at every turn. I found two in the last 24 hours that I'd like to share.

I was in a grocery store (again) and saw a sign that said "Buy One, Get On Free". I understand that this is just a typo, but wow. The omission of one letter brings a completely new (and utterly bizarre) meaning to the sentence. There were people ALL OVER that sign.

The better one, however, was on a blog I was reading this morning. I would link it, but the writing is so poor, I often want to chop my arm off with an axe. Usually, the errors seem intentional (2day, 4ever, etc.). The post I read this morning misused the word "erroneously". Oh the irony.

Fun with Words

2006-08-13T17:44:00.000-06:00

I was in a supermarket today (and no, that's not the funny story). The woman on the loudspeaker was announcing the fact that they had fresh, hot French bread for sale in the bakery. Unfortunately, she slightly misspoke, and instead claimed that there were hot French beds in the bakery. My curiosity got the best of me; I visited the bakery. There were no linens in sight--only baguettes. Now Albertson's is just teasing me.

My other experience with word fun today was checking my spelling of the word "redundant" and found the following definition*:

re·dun·dant
Exceeding what is necessary or natural; superfluous.
Needlessly wordy or repetitive in expression: a student paper filled with redundant phrases.
Of or relating to linguistic redundancy.

I guess just one of those definitions would not suffice. Again, my love of irony allows me to find even dictionaries amusing.

*Source: Dictionary.com

Lieberman Beaten

2006-08-09T09:53:00.000-06:00

Last night, Senator Joseph Lieberman lost the Democratic primary in Connecticut. Lieberman will now try to run as an independent candidate, which means Joe will likely split the Democrats at the polls and the seat will likely go to a Republican.

Normally, I'd be upset. This midterm election (the first election in which I can vote) is the perfect opportunity for the Democratic party to gain some seats in Congress and try to create some positive change before the end of this administration. However, the discontent directed toward Lieberman due to his support of the war is a harbinger of good things to come.

Moreover, as much as I want to see Democratic control of Congress, I believe in the process. The Democrats, who supported and elected the fairly conservative Lieberman, no longer feel as if he represents their interests well; therefore, they're no longer going to support his Senate bid. This is a good thing; this means the process is working correctly. Bravo.

I hope that the citizens of this country continue to demand accountability from the politicians who started and supported this war. Now that many are finally waking up to the reality that this administration has a flimsy justification for the war and absolutely no idea how to conduct it, it's time to convert discontent into action. The Democrats in Connecticut did so last night.

Second life? Try living your first.

2006-08-08T16:00:00.000-06:00

I'm relatively addicted to my computer. I probably have a hundred accounts of some sort online. I've owned a series of websites and currently manage three blogs. I communicate with friends and family using various forms of communication, often calling, texting, e-mailing, AIM-ing, and Facebook-ing someone in the same day. Occasionally, I might even actually meet up with that person face-to-face. However, it's safe to say that I need help.

But even I can ridicule this. I stumbled across a blog devoted to this during one of my lunchtime searches today, and while I haven't spent a ton of time researching this, I believe I already understand the concept: you build a second life (hence the name). Instead of running away to Europe or starting three separate families in three different states, you just build your new life online. You can create a completely unrealistic situation in which you can build the perfect body or turn into an animal. The one realistic thing about your new life is that almost nothing is free. And people aren't paying with "pretend" currency either.

Normally, when it comes to making money, I'm relatively liberal. I think consumers should be protected against evil corporations by slightly less evil government regulations. In this case, I blame the consumer completely. Anyone who would be dumb enough to spend real money on fake stuff (like "furniture" for a virtual house or "clothes" for a virtual person) deserves to end up homeless.

This lifestyle reaches a whole new level of stupid. It seems that participants subscribe to a service, and then purchase pictures of things they want to look at (but, obviously, cannot use). I cannot even fathom the thought process that goes into participation in such an activity. There is no reason for someone who is sitting in a real chair in front of a real computer to buy a picture of a chair so that an animation may sit down.

It gets worse: "Players can purchase cyber genitalia that animate with a fellow avatar's touch."* The idea of animated genitalia worries me to begin with, but the notion that your characters actually have sexual relations with one another is downright weird. I'm all for people doing whatever they want to in the privacy of their own homes, but this is a little too private. Sex is no longer something between two consenting adults (regardless of gender), but has become something between a (wo)man and his/her cartoon. But even scarier, you have to BUY your genitals? You actually have to purchase your own penis? Well, I guess most of these people are used to paying for pictures of someone else's genitals anyway.

But aside from the stupidity, this frightens me. Are we so detached from and bored with the real world that we must invent a different world in which we can "exist"? Have we lost touch with reality to the point that we're deliberately ignoring it?

I guess people can do what they want, but don't people have lives anymore? Instead of spending four hours a day pretending to be a cartoon, why not go out and get real herpes on a real wang? In that case, at least, you reduce the risk of populating the Earth with antisocial, digitally-obsessed sex addicts.

*Source

Create your own reality!

2006-08-07T16:00:00.000-06:00

There's a TV screen in my elevator. Yes, it's impossible to get away from advertisements even in the 15 seconds (or three damn hours, depending on how many morons pack themselves into the elevator) that it takes for me to go from floor one to floor twelve every morning. Normal TV doesn't play on this screen; instead, it's just a set of sound-byte bastardized news clips. This news is brilliant; until now, I never knew it was possible for news to be less substantive than the mainstream media (which, of course, contains less real information than a dog's fart). It worries me that this is the only exposure to news that some people have in a day. Of course, most of this news surrounds celebrity gossip and scandal, but occasionally there's a headline regarding the number of American and/or Israeli soldiers that died the previous day.

Now, news of this quality wouldn't be complete without the watcher's input. For instance, when the Landis story broke, they put out an online poll to measure public opinion. Normally, opinion polls ask people for their opinion. A very apt one would be: "Should professional athletes be fired for using performance enhancing substances?" Instead, the question was: "Do you think Landis took performance enhancing drugs?"

Hold up. The question here is whether or not we believe in objective reality. Who cares what I think? Either the bastard did or he didn't cheat, but the opinion of the generally uneducated public really doesn't enter into it. More importantly, there's only one person qualified to answer that question, and that man is FLOYD LANDIS. He knows whether or not he did it; you, on the other hand, do not (though, two positive drug tests might lead you to prefer one conclusion over another).

The most amazing thing is that after the "A" sample came back, most people still believed Landis wasn't a liar and a cheater. At last check (7:00 AM Friday morning), 59% of people responded "No". I guess the question that people really were answering was: "What do you want reality to be?"

We're the enemy

2006-08-04T17:00:00.000-06:00

People don't actually listen to Ann Coulter, right? The idea that anybody who disagrees with the government is guilty of treason is so outside of my comprehension of democracy that I literally don't understand how somebody could think that. I thought people only said that to stir up controversy and sell books. Saturday night, I found out I was totally wrong.

I had been having dinner with a group of friends when this scary Republican drove up in his American truck (complete with pro-Bush bumper stickers) and parked in at least three parking spaces. The man was clearly nuts: he saw a car that had a "support our troops" ribbon on the back and started hootin' and hollerin' in support of this car. He was walking around the shopping center talking loudly on his cell phone when I overheard the following phrase slip out of his ignorant mouth: "Our biggest enemy in Iraq is the Democrats." Awkward syntax aside, I was still beyond shocked to hear such a phrase. We'll first examine the reasoning behind such a terrible phrase, then try to find some sense in a reasonable position.

These people say the same thing about Vietnam--that we lost the war because of the protests and dissent back home. They believe that national unity is necessary in times of crisis and that disparaging the troops' mission is tantamount to disrespecting the soldiers who are in harm's way. They say that in times of trouble, we have to support the government. My country, right or wrong.

I'm not of the camp that believes that national unity is necessary in times of crisis. The phrase, "my country, right or wrong" has been accurately compared to the phrase "my mother, drunk or sober" in terms of logic. If everybody agrees that something is right, people have stopped thinking for themselves. It's that simple. I guess absolute unity and agreement is fine in a country where the government makes all of the decisions without recourse. But remember, we don't live in such a country. Our leaders are directly responsible to us (that is, if you vote). We have the ability and the power to shape the policy of our government.

With that enormous power comes an even greater responsibility. Because we, as a people, get to have a say in what goes down in all levels of government, we have the responsibility to make educated choices and vote for what we think is right. If we disagree with the decisions of the government, we have a ~~right~~ responsibility to change that.

I'm not going to go into a justification of my views on the Iraq war. I'm sure those can be found elsewhere on the Gopher. For these purposes, it doesn't matter. If I am against the Iraq war, I have the right to say so and try to influence policy in whatever limited ways I can so that my government does the right thing.

I've often heard that the soldiers fight for my right to say what I want, so therefore I cannot say that their mission is wrong. This circular rhetoric defeats itself; if those soldiers truly are fighting for my right to be free (which, in the case of Iraq, I doubt), then the exercise of that freedom is my choice. They're not fighting for the freedom of Republicans to shut down Democrats.

Even so, if I disagree with the reasons to go to war, my action (in dissenting) absolutely supports the troops. I do not want American soldiers (men and women my age) to die in Iraq. If I can influence policy to make sure that our troops aren't harmed unnecessarily, I must do so. I most certainly don't want them to die for an unjust cause. To say that only those who support the mission support the troops limits discussion of the issue and therefore limits the democratic process.

Dissent is the ultimate form of patriotism. I may question my government's decisions without fear of punishment. Our internal enemies are not those who dissent; our enemies are those who ensure our destruction by suppressing democracy at home while promoting it abroad.

Why I do what I do

2006-08-01T19:24:00.000-06:00

This evening, if you caught the Exploding Gopher, you caught a knee-jerk reaction regarding a post I read on a fellow blogger's blog. You know me, the eternal pessimist and cynic--I always assume the worst of intentions and attack people accordingly. This blog has caused a lot of heated discussion during the past two-ish years, and I've seen my fair share of inappropriate comments. I fear I was unfair to this man in jumping to conclusions, and I therefore humbly apologize for the personal and likely offensive things I said about this person. To do so demeans me and compromises my position to criticize another. I understand that and am truly sorry for those comments. Sticks and stones may break bones, but I've been on the receiving ends of harsh words as well--they can hurt.

Having said that, the entire experience reminded me why, despite the breaks I've taken and the difficulty of maintaining a blog, I continue to do what I do. Initially, I just posted a comment to his blog outlining my concerns. I then republished his post and my response here (with some added choice words).

Very soon, my fellow blogger not only took down his post, but also issued me a personal apology for what he said that had offended me. It takes a strong person to stand up for what he believes; it takes an even stronger person to know when he was unfair and right the wrong. For this, sir, I thank you.

This story is proof that, in whatever small ways, you can make a difference. If you read something you disagree with, you can have a productive discussion and get someone to understand your point of view.

Having said that, I understand that the ends don't necessarily justify the means (that is, I'm sorry for being a jackass).

More on Israel

2006-07-31T10:58:00.000-06:00

As you well know, I strongly believe in Israel's right to exist. I include in that belief a right for Israel to defend herself. Initially, I supported Israel's moves against Hezbollah for exactly that reason: she needed to take those measures to survive. However, Israel is making mistakes, and the justifications just aren't cutting it anymore.

I watched the Israeli foreign minister on Meet the Press yesterday morning. His rhetoric worries me. He was talking about Israel doing the "world's dirty work" in terms of combating terrorism, and I could not help but think of the similarity of those words to Bush's justifications of the Iraq war. I do think there is some validity to that argument, but unfortunately, that "justification" can be used to rationalize virtually any action, no matter how atrocious.

It's clear that the recent attack on Qana was not a deliberate targeting of civilians, but an attempt at eliminating Hezbollah. Unfortunately, terrorists often use civilians as "human shields" so that they both can keep their strongholds and win the PR war. Israel is then caught in a dilemma: either the military allows Hezbollah to continue operations in certain areas, or they run the risk of devastating civilian populations. For Israel, both are bad options.

The rhetoric used to justify taking the latter path doesn't quite cut it. Israel claims that Lebanon is held hostage by Hezbollah and that these attacks are carried out only because Hezbollah has not disarmed and continues to attack Israel. On the flip side, we must remember that these are Israeli bombs landing in civilian areas.

I must give Israel credit for one thing, and that is her reluctance to take down the Lebanese government. The regime in Lebanon is not strong; the government relies on Hezbollah to maintain peace in the south. They will not attack Hezbollah because they're afraid the military will split into factions, and therefore, the government would crumble. Moreover, Lebanon views Hezbollah as a force fighting for independence against the Zionist war machine, despite the fact that Hezbollah instigated this conflict in the first place. However, Israel, unlike the United States in Iraq, does not wish to depose the government.

The reason I worry about Israel's extreme reaction is not because I am against Israel. Quite the opposite is true. Israel's very existence is threatened if they lose credibility and support within the region and among world superpowers. While Hezbollah is the immediate threat, there are long-term consequences of Israel's refusal to compromise and negotiate. Negotiating with terrorists (which, despite its claims, Israel has done before and will need to do again) has to be better than this.

I am happy Israel agreed to halt air strikes for 48 hours, despite the fact that the large loophole (that is, Israel can still attack Hezbollah if Hezbollah continues to shell Israel) makes the halt relatively useless. One baby step is better than none, though, and I pray that Israel can make progress toward peace in the coming week.

Remember when?

2006-07-30T17:56:00.000-06:00

Most of my friends know that, while I am often over-sensitive and ridiculously emotional, chain letters are NOT the way to my heart. My casual acquaintances do not have this insight into my personality, though some of them have my e-mail address. The e-mail itself will be in italics. My responses are beneath each section.*

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

IRONY! Maybe if you actually did your homework (or, you know, picked up a book), you would know that the word "cool" does not start with a "K". Idiot.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

I, too, grow teary-eyed remembering a time before famous gang members (oh right, they were "musicians") were gunned down in cold blood or when people cared about basketball.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.
Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.
The original Power Rangers
Or what about....
The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Double Dare.
Rocko's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
Salute Your Shorts.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of All That.
Kenan & Kel.
The Magic School Bus.
Flash Forward.
Pete and Pete.
Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Hey Dude.Dinosaurs.
Pinky and the Brain.
Blossom.
Hangin' With Mr. Copper.
My So Called Life
Wishbone.
Bill-Nye the Science Guy.
Kablamm.
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, The Facts of Life, & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
Or Nick Jr. with Face.
Gulah-Gulah Island.
Little Bear.
Under the Umbrella Tree.
The Busy World of Richard Scary.
The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

The Wonder Years didn't make me want to be in love; it made me want to vomit. But holy shit, this has to be some kind of bad joke. By far the longest section of this travesty of a nostalgic e-mail is just a list of television shows. Is that really my generation? A 1995 edition of TV Guide? No wonder young people have a reputation of being ignorant and lazy; look at how we've defined ourselves.

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

Unless you're Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, or otherwise not Christian. I mean, I guess movie theatres and Chinese food are exciting, but I wouldn't define my childhood by sesame chicken.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

What planet did these children live on? You can't even buy lunch for $5. You can barely buy a gallon of gas for $5. More importantly, if our childhood "miracles" are all monetary, we grew up far too quickly.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

No, I don't remember that.

When Toys 'R' Us overuled the mall.

Everything I learned about power struggles (and spelling, apparently) I learned from toy stores.

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Now decisions are made by flipping a coin. It's much faster and more efficient.

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

This is why you never learned tolerance as a child and are scared of people of different races.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

Which, I guess is why one real dollar was a bloody miracle. This is also where you learned that he who controls the money has the ability to screw everyone else. Think like Ken Lay.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

Where as now being old refers to anyone with whom fornication would be illegal, you slut.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

In terms of difficulty, I found learning my multiplication tables more difficult than the old four-button Nintendo controllers, but maybe I'm an anomaly. And I wasn't aware the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever asserted global dominance, but I have a whole new level of respect for them now.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

Right after you begged to go to McDonalds, you fat pig.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

Now it leads to herpes. Look at how much we've grown!

When time didn't matter.

This is almost the dumbest one of all. Of course time mattered: these were the pre-TiVo days. You had to be on your ass in front of your TV with a chocolate bar in one hand and a McNugget in the other by the time Nickelodeon was playing your favorite show or you would not be a happy kid. It would be a hard day for Mom if she let this happen.

These were the days we hadn't realized escaped us until it's all brought back.

Thank you, Mr. Chain Letter. I didn't know I had lost my laziness, bad heath habits, ignorance, and TV addiction until you brought it all back.

You know, in all of this sap and nostalgia, there's not a single word about the important lessons we learned as kids nor about how we can apply those lessons today--nothing about the role of family in our lives or the importance of those basic, human qualities we developed as children. Nothing.

I no longer wonder why adults think my generation is superficial.

*DISCLAIMER: All spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors are straight from the e-mail.

Appalling

2006-07-26T09:11:00.000-06:00

My moral outrage button doesn't often get punched this hard. Lately, I have been shocked to see the number of companies looking to profit from the Israel-Lebanon war.

I got my first glimpse of this when Stratfor, the e-mail policy analysts, started bombarding me with advertisements for their premium services so that every time somebody sneezed in Lebanon, I would get an e-lert. They even made a nifty little graphic with an Israeli soldier and a whole bunch of stuff on fire.

At first, I was tempted to write an angry e-mail. Stratfor is a company entirely based on policy analysis and solutions. However, this motive directly conflicts with the motive of all private companies--profit. If the Israel-Lebanon conflict is solved, Stratfor hoodwinks fewer people into buying "up to the sneeze" analysis. However, since Stratfor does do its business entirely based on all the crazy stuff happening in the world, I got over myself and shut the hell up.

This morning, however, I got an e-mail from CafePress.com (a company I used to like) that had a slew of products dealing with the current conflict. This is ridiculous for a couple of reasons. One, it's a pro-Israel propaganda tool. I support Israel, but I can still recognize deception when I see it. Two, the entire idea of making money off of a tragedy (you know, like a war) makes me sick to my stomach.

Which, I guess, is what I really wanted to write about. These companies that produce and promote pro-Israel clothing are acting in bad faith. I think it's fine to show support for a cause; however, I think taking action is more important. Instead of marketing slogans to me, a middle-class American consumer, these companies should take action to promote the cause. If nothing else, profits from "I support Israel" shirts should be going to Zionist charities. More importantly, a war is not a sales tool. Hundreds of people have died in Israel and Lebanon in the past three weeks. Lebanon has (until very recently) been cut of from all humanitarian aid whatsoever. If you really support Israel's maneuvers, put your money where your mouth is. Don't buy a t-shirt; give to a charity that will help those harmed by the war.

Therefore, I believe that two obligations exist--one for the producer and one for the consumer. The producer must not use tragedy as a money-gaining method. To do so is manipulative and disrespectful. Instead, a company (with lots of money and clout) should be using their influence to have a positive impact. The consumer must recognize the manipulation and, instead of buying a shirt, must actually support his cause through action. If this obligation is fulfilled, the first will be (by default), as the market is driven by consumer needs.

Death is not a marketing tool. The end.

Israel in Grave Danger

2006-07-24T15:32:00.000-06:00

I've been following the Israel story like crazy through both news organizations and policy organizations like Stratfor. There is no consistent story coming out of the Middle East right now, but there is consistent analysis of what Israel faces in the coming months.

Hezbollah set Israel up. By kidnapping soldiers and then launching rockets into Haifa, Hezbollah effectively gave Israel no choice but to go to war. To decline the war path would be political and diplomatic suicide for the new Israeli regime. However, Israel also ignored the diplomatic path entirely. In the past, Israel has been known to negotiate through third parties to resolve the issue of hostages without, you know, invading Lebanon.

That issue aside, Israel still has to respond to the missile attacks on her third-largest city. The nature of that response may play into Hezbollah's goals, however.

A brief jaunt back in history reveals Hezbollah's motivation and ability to act. The group is funded by Syria and Iran, but its operation in southern Lebanon gives it some independence to act autonomously. Regardless, Hezbollah is hell-bent on the destruction of Israel. Iran does not disagree. For a long time, however, Hezbollah has been unable to carry out attacks on Israel. Southern Lebanon was occupied by Israel from the 1980s until the year 2000, when Israel disengaged completely from Lebanon. This long occupation resembled a small-scale Iraq: insurgents would consistently be killing Israeli soldiers even though Israel had defeated the traditional Lebanese army. When Israel pulled out, they made a quiet deal with Syria. They would let Syria occupy Lebanon without interfering if Syria quieted Hezbollah. Both sides kept up their part of the bargain...

...until recently. The UN (and United States in particular) put a ton of diplomatic pressure on Syria. Ultimately, Syria was forced to pull out of Lebanon, leaving the weak Lebanese government in charge of quelling Hezbollah. Of course, Hezbollah was basically given free reign over southern Lebanon. With internal causes supporting the destruction of Israel and external forces looking both to destroy Israel and distract the G8 (Iran anyone?), Hezbollah carried out the series of attacks and drew Israel into a war.

Unfortunately, this war is starting to look like Iraq. A massive intelligence blunder led Israel to believe that its army had destroyed up to 50% of Hezbollah's arsenal, a report that the citizens of Haifa will be quick to deny. Hezbollah is much better prepared for this war than was originally suspected, and Israel has been caught off-guard by how well Hezbollah is standing up against Israeli attacks.

We then go back to Hezbollah's goals in all of this: if they can engage Israel in an un-winnable guerilla war (like Iraq), they will gain enormous respect and clout among the Middle Eastern nations. By inflicting casualties on Israel, they work towards their goal of Israel's destruction.

The conventional war that's currently being fought will be easily won by Israel. If Hezbollah changes its strategy (a widely expected move), Israel may no longer be in a "conventional warfare" scenario. It is now up to Israel to figure out how to deal with an extremely sticky situation. Israel should already have learned its lesson and prepared differently for this war (if not from its previous occupation of the exact same territory, then from its number one ally fighting the same war in the same region). Since she did not, it is up to the military strategists and intelligence officials (some of the best in the world) to not fall victim to Hezbollah's games.

Either way, it seems both Hezbollah and Israel are screwed. Hezbollah will face heavy casualties, a huge loss of supplies, and will be forced into fighting unfairly very quickly. Israel will lose soldiers, citizens, and bargaining power if it gets sucked into an Iraq crisis.

Syria and Iran come out on top. Syria has a lot to gain from the fall of the weak Lebanese government; Iran not only completely distracted the G8 from dealing with the nuclear issue, but also benefits from a long-fought Hezbollah hold-out.

I guess it's clear who is behind this war in the first place. I hope and pray Israel continues to win the wars she has chosen to fight.

Random Thoughts

2006-07-22T10:22:00.000-06:00

Two blog-related random thoughts:

1) I have cleaned up the links on the right side of the page. Given that I'm kind of reviving this blog (for now), I'm going to renew the call for a link exchange: link me and I'll be happy to link you. If I have deleted your link in error and you wish it to be restored, please don't hesitate to contact me.

2) The spell-check on Blogger is horrific. It doesn't even know the word "blog", which should tell us two things. One, the people who programmed it must be borderline-retarded. Two, they're right; blog isn't a word. Even so, the limited range of Blogger's spell-check vocabulary must reflect on us, the blogging community. Given the majority of crap out there, I assume it's an infrequently-used tool anyway. I keep a dictionary open when I write these posts because I know I cannot count on Blogger to help me out. With a service based entirely upon writing, you'd think their writing tools would be better. Whatever.

Do your words have meaning?

2006-07-22T09:58:00.000-06:00

I'm focusing on language quite a bit right now because the Israel situation is just too difficult to write about. Politically, the situation in the Middle East is probably one of the most fascinating things I've ever studied. In the sense of a humanitarian, however, it's impossible to watch. My glossing over the subject is equivalent to an ostrich with his head in the sand; I just can't yet. Instead, my rants about my language will continue.

I work in a large corporation. I cannot tell you which one; doing so could get me fired (given that I'm about to make fun of them). People in corporations have funny mannerisms, though. The "business" people, at least, always give you the sense that there's something they're not telling you. Every time I shake hands with one of them, I want to take a shower and I'm not always sure why.

Regardless, this disingenuousness (yes, it is a word, look it up) translates into the language these men and women speak. It's almost as if they've developed their own secret code so they can talk and nobody else understands, though I think this language is just a cover-up for a lack of substantive conversation.

I'm talking about business "buzz words". I'll give you an example: leadership. Now, the word "leadership" does, in fact, have meaning:

1 : the office or position of a leader
2 : capacity to lead
3 : the act or an instance of leading*

OK, so a word defined exclusively by its own root may not have meaning, but let's just assume those three definitions are self-explanatory and move from there.

In business, this term is often applied to those in the top levels of management. Often, those positions are actually called "business leaders".

We're taught in school that it takes more than power to make one a leader. It takes respect, it takes knowledge, and it takes recognition (among other factors) to truly make one a leader. So are these business people leaders or are they just managers?

Nobody knows. The point of using a vague term like "leadership" is to shroud reality with language. George Orwell discusses this point in his Politics and the English Language:

It [the English language] becomes ugly and inaccurate because out thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.

When people don't think twice about the words they use and instead string together sentences of meaningless drivel, the language becomes a source of our degradation.

If you've had experience with business people, you know what I'm talking about. Just try to translate a memo from senior management into plain English. It won't be possible.

*Source: Merriam-Webster Online

Is good grammar really that stuffy?

2006-07-21T08:59:00.000-06:00

I'm addicted to Facebook. I fully admit that. Acceptance is the first step to recovery, yes?

I joined a group called "Good Grammar is Hot". Random capitalization aside, I found a home away from home in this group of 1000+ of grammar nerds (both English majors and non-majors) .

However, I also discovered a group of people who believe in good grammar only in formal circumstances. It's acceptable to have poor grammar on AIM, but not in a paper. You can ignore rules of capitalization in Facebook (a habit I really need to break), but not in an e-mail to your superiors.

I argued (shocking). I've said this before: people judge you based on how you speak and write. It's that simple. For the most part, I have no close friends who use "u" instead of "you" when talking on AIM. Now, granted, I do have snobby friends. Either way, though, you use the same keyboard to type everything. In my mind, there's no real reason not to write like an educated human being rather than an ignorant teenager. I know when I read an instant message that's grammatically correct, there is no question in my mind about the author's meaning. The subtle use of sarcasm and wit disappears when language becomes a code that only the well-versed in "AIMspeak" understand.

The posts after that implied that I'm a snob--that I take too much time typing and re-typing my blog posts (for instance) rather than just putting the words out there and hoping my meaning magically seeps into your brain. It doesn't, does it?

I'm making a new goal for myself: I will follow the rules of the English language so that I can be better understood. No more random capitalization. No more writing "youre" when I use the contraction of the words "you" and "are". It's a small contribution, but maybe I can inspire others to be better. Maybe, just maybe, the English language can be saved. But I'm only one man. Help me out here!

Buy My Old Stuff!

2006-07-19T21:29:00.000-06:00

After some technical difficulties, I've finally got the My Old Stuff blog running! This just helps feed my CraigsList addiction. Anybody who wants to buy locally is more than welcome to check this shiz out.

Website to Check

2006-07-18T19:20:00.000-06:00

I haven't had a chance to research or back-track the facts on this website, and I do not condone lies or misleading facts, but I do think it's a perspective to visit and to check out, especially in this difficult time in the Middle East. Even as a strong Zionist, it's hard to watch what Israel is doing. I just don't think she has a choice.

http://www.standwithus.com/

Fear

2006-07-18T19:09:00.000-06:00

I'm worried. Israel has not invaded Lebanon, but that will soon change. The homeland of my people is (again) on the verge of war, and I'm scared.

I'm scared her soldiers (kids no older than me) will die. I'm scared the troops will find themselves in a prolonged, Iraq-like war. I'm scared that more rocket attacks will hit the big cities and hurt and kill more people. I'm scared for the hopeless citizens of Lebanon who live under the rule of a weak government and the militant power of Hezbollah.

Tonight, I pray for Israel and for a quick resolution to the conflict.

Life is Good

2006-07-13T13:53:00.000-06:00

This gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling on the inside. I guess this is more fodder for her to blame the liberal media, but that really doesn't ruin the high I get from being completely right about that crazy bitch.

Language

2006-07-13T13:10:00.000-06:00

I recently stumbled upon a blog dedicated to saving the English language from stupidity. I found them through Facebook, so I have no idea how much good they're doing. They're located here; check them out even though there haven't been any updates in awhile.

In all honesty, I've been inspired. In less than two months, I will begin my life as an English major at the University of Colorado at Boulder. This makes me one of "those" people. You're friends with us; we're the ones who are so busy correcting your grammar that we often miss the meaning of your sentence.

Thus, the dilemma with being a stickler for perfect English. The following sentence can be perfectly understood despite the singular/plural disagreement: "None of the kids are going to the zoo." I still understand that there will be no young human beings gawking at giraffes. Since the purpose of language is to convey meaning, incorrect usage of this type can be tolerated. Or can it?

We have specific rules of grammar, spelling, and punctuation in order to make our words the most comprehensible. Sureyoucanfigureoutwhatthissentencemeansbutitsmuchharderwithoutspacesandpunctuation. When your purpose is to provide meaning, you need to do so clearly.

~~Additionally, you are judged by your words.~~ Oops. People judge you based on how you speak and write. Extremely intelligent individuals can appear ignorant and illiterate due to simple spelling or usage errors. I'll use the ubiquitous misuse of the word "your" as an example. A friend of mine recently wrote: "[W]henever your free we should hang out!" I know that this person is neither stupid nor illiterate, but her message makes her appear so. Do not make your words reflect badly on you.

Thus begins a new Exploding Treatise on the English language. I will address the degradation of our language, great ways to use language to your advantage, and whatever else strikes my fancy at the moment of composition.

War is Hell

2006-07-06T15:14:00.000-06:00

I write with a heavy heart about the current tension between Israel and Palestine. The situation has never been good; the past, however, is starting to look sunny in comparison to the dark cloud now hanging over Gaza.

Israel's offensive in Palestine is a very dangerous and self-destructive move. I say this not because I'm an anti-Zionist (for I'm not) nor because I believe in the Palestinian right to Israel's land. However, I believe that the prospect of (relative) peace in the area is more important than an ideological battle likely to claim many lives in the coming months.

It often seems as if the odds are stacked against Israel. She cannot retaliate at will against terrorist attacks (like the United States can) without international outcry. Life isn't fair; Israel has to deal with that fact.

Israel is a dependent nation: dependent on support from the West; dependent on tolerance (not acceptance) from surrounding nations; dependent on worldwide ideological support for the right to exist. This compounds the challenges Israel faces in maintaining peace and security.

Israel, unlike the United States, cannot act unilaterally and without the consent of allies. The consequences of doing so are grave. Now, with the establishment of Hamas as a legitimate authority in Palestine, Israel must battle two issues. One, there must be relative security for the Israeli people. Two, Israel must continue to appease other nations, such as the United States, on whom she relies for survival.

These two goals present a catch-22 in the present scenario: Israel does not want to negotiate with terrorists and cannot let the recent attacks stand without response. On the flip side, Israel cannot take actions which compromise her standing with the rest of the world. The invasion of Gaza so soon after the pull-out could hinder the latter objective.

There is no obvious pragmatic solution to this evolving issue. The traditional knee-jerk, blow-'em-up reaction to terrorism that Israel was accustomed to under Sharon may no longer be viable. However, Israel cannot simply be a punching bag for terrorists--never reacting to affronts against her citizens and sovereignty. I hope and pray a solution is reached before more lives are lost and before all-out war threatens Israel's very existence.

Beauty

2006-06-21T16:02:00.000-06:00

Photo taken at Maroon Bells outside of Aspen, Colorado. 06/21/2006.

I'm so mad I could explode

2006-06-05T17:34:00.000-06:00

I'm on the edge of becoming my mascot. Holy hell. So, I was on Google News and the top story was that Bush is again pushing for the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. The fact that Bush wants to edit the Constitution to fit his ideology, while abhorrent, doesn't really surprise me anymore. The fact that Bush wants to write hate into the government's framework doesn't even make me turn my head anymore. Alright, it does, but his failure to listen to the courts of this country make me want to scream.

"State legislatures are trying to address this issue, but across the country they are being thwarted by activist judges who are overturning the express will of their people," Mr Bush told reporters at the White House.

Excuse me? Express will of the people? Since when is the general will inviolable? I'm pretty sure there are checks on the will of the general populace. Take the electoral college, for instance. If Bush is so concerned with upholding the will of the people, maybe he should revisit the 2000 election. I accept the results of that election as legitimate despite the fact that the results of the popular vote and the Electoral College process were different. I assume Bush does as well.

Even so, Bush admits that state legislatures have passed these measures which, in turn, have been declared un-fucking-constitutional by the judicial branch. Instead of thinking: "Golly gee, maybe the fact that these laws are being called unconstitutional means that, oh I don't know, they are," Bush has decided to CHANGE THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION. What a joke.

The measure won't pass and is primarily a rallying point for bigots. I'm just shocked that, to garner support, our President and Congress have decided to try to change the supreme law of the land to include hate. I'm even more shocked that this will probably work. What a fucking country. It's time to bring some change.

Something New and Irritating

2006-05-30T09:54:00.000-06:00

I have a new computer (which I love) but it has some odd habits. For instance, every once in awhile, Norton will pop up with a little alert that says "everything is working properly."

Well, thanks. I'm glad I closed the solitaire window to read that very important notice. That's like a cop coming to the door at 7 AM to tell you that absolutely nothing is wrong and you're perfectly safe. Nice to know, but utterly bizarre.

Today: Write Randomly

How do you say goodbye?

2006-05-21T17:12:00.000-06:00

The last day of school was Friday. Prom was two nights ago. The senior breakfast was this morning. Graduation is on Thursday. After four years of high school (and 12 years in the same school district), there is only one word to describe this process: surreal. The prospect of moving on to another school (CU Boulder) and falling out of my standard structured schedule is both exhilarating and terrifying. I cannot wait for the opportunity to be truly self-directed for the first time, and I cannot imagine the challenges that will bring. I get the opportunity to meet a billion new people who will enrich my life; I'll face a new social life without the safety net of my current group of friends. Indeed, new opportunities require risks. The only question we're left with is this: how do we handle the past?

How do you say goodbye to the school buildings that have constituted the core of life for the past 12 years, to the neighborhoods and communities that those schools pull both students and support from, to the structured environment with specific goals and people there to help you achieve them?

How do you say goodbye to the good times: the limo rides, crazy afternoons with a video camera, evening barbecues, late-night phone calls, debate tournaments, concerts, movies, dinners, and the scores of great conversations?

How do you say goodbye to friends that have been there for everything, to people you can celebrate success with, to people who have been shoulders to cry on, to people who seem to know you better than yourself, to people who comprise a vast network of support that reminds us every day what love is?

How do you say goodbye to a home that has been there for 18 years, to the family you see every day and soon will not, to those who have supported and loved unconditionally, to those close familiar places and memories that have defined nearly two decades of existence?

You don't. You can't. Experiences don't exist unto themselves nor do they exist in a vacuum. Everything you've experience up until to this very minute, you take with you into the future.

Your education is what allows you to function in institutions of higher learning. The gradual change in responsibility--from the teacher to the student--for education will promote that independence necessary in college. That communal support is behind you as you move into your first independent living situation.

Your memories sustain you through the toughest time and teach you lessons for your future. Picture postcards of the past are our reminders of things that went well and things that could have gone better.

Your friends have taught you more than you could have learned in a thousand hours of classroom instruction. Your human relationships give you the skills you need for future relationships, whether with your next employer or the person you want to marry. The lessons you learn from your friends are the ones that keep you sane. Those people will always occupy a place, however small, in your heart and you will carry those memories for a lifetime. Your true friends will stay in touch and will be with you forever.

Your family will always be there. You may not check in with them every night or see them every day, but they're there. They've had the greatest role in shaping who you are and every aspect of you--from the way you conduct relationships to your political beliefs to your personal values--has been influenced at home first. These are the people who will occupy picture frames in every one of your homes. These are the people who will remain in your life above all else.

These last four years have been an incredible ride. I never want to be one of those people who claims that these were the best four years of my life. They've certainly been the best so far, but life shouldn't be a downhill ride from here. Since this was so great, I can't wait for it to get better. There are so many opportunities ahead of me; I'd be a fool to live in the past. A week from now, I will be a high school graduate and, for the second time, an incoming freshman. Next stop: college.

Pesach

2006-04-13T20:23:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the second night of Passover. Tonight, for the last time this year, we celebrate the exodus of our people from the hands of a tyrant in Egypt. Tonight, I write about the importance of the continued remembrance of this holiday.

After the blessings, the youngest member present is called forth to ask the four questions; these questions cut to the quick and ask, in essence, “why is this night different from all other nights?” In other words, who are all these people and why are they at my house? The rest of the Seder, then, is set up to answer those four questions and therefore ultimately pass down the story of Passover, by written and spoken word, from generation to generation. Then we eat. There’s an old Jewish joke that describes every holiday as follows: “They hated us, they tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat!” If this is the case, why do we continue to tell the story? If the Jews are as resilient as our abundance of such holidays would indicate, then it must be unnecessary to commemorate each event.

Many years ago, I probably would have bought into this argument. Ceremony can often be boring and empty, especially if the Passover Seder is many hours long. As I grew up, I began to understand the importance of remembering the event and therefore appreciating our freedom; I began keeping Passover for the full eight days not only to remember the event but also to learn the important lessons of self-discipline gleaned from following the dietary restrictions.

I’ve written like this before, so why is this year different from any other year? I’m glad you asked that question, for that’s exactly what I’m writing to tell you. During our break this year, I traveled with the Meistersingers (my high school choir) to Germany, Austria, and the Czech Republic for an 11-day tour of churches, schools, cities, and tourist traps. The trip, with a few minor exceptions, was a wonderful experience; to travel out of the country is almost magical. I visited two cities of importance to Judaism: Prague and Dachau. The latter has the obvious connection, the former I’ll describe first.

After our afternoon concert in one of many beautiful churches at which we sang, I convinced some of my Hebrew-speaking friends to join me on a trip to the Jewish section of Prague. The area is hardly distinguishable from the rest of the city; tall gray buildings fill the area. However, some of the most beautiful and historically important Jewish relics can be found there.

We started at the famous cemetery attached to one of the six synagogues. The tombstones were practically piled on top of one another. This tiny unceremonious resting place seemed to be the only consecrated ground in the area; the devotion of those buried there was clear from the Hebrew on the headstones to the willingness to be buried in an overcrowded cemetery.

The synagogue attached has been turned into a museum, as had all the synagogues we visited. However, this one was a museum for more than ancient relics and texts. Handwritten on the walls, top to bottom, on two floors, were the names of those Jews (from Prague and surrounding towns) displaced from their homes due to Nazi occupation. A sea of names—each one with his own story—watched as visitors gaped in horror at the sheer number of people represented.

A few days later, we visited the concentration camp memorial at Dachau. It had been an unreasonably difficult morning, and the sky was gray with rain. I carried an umbrella on the bus; I didn’t bring it to the site with me. I walked alone from the gravel road into the camp, where the first place I stood was where hundreds of prisoners had stood every morning to be evaluated. To the right, a set of bunkers had been transformed into a museum.

The exhibits were cold; they told of history and the rise and fall of an empire. The movie was like any History Channel movie documenting the Holocaust. There were horrific pictures and terrible stories, but the ubiquitous nature of such films has caused them to somewhat lose their impact. Until I stepped out of the theatre and onto the ground, I had forgotten where I was. Like a ton of bricks, it hit me that I was walking through the pictures in the video. History wasn’t 5000 miles and 60 years away anymore.

I walked through the camp, not knowing whether my face was wet from the cold drizzle or the tears steaming out of my eyes. At the end of the camp there’s a memorial where visitors can place stones. Inside, a plaque with the word “Yiskor” written in Hebrew—remember. I walked back on the gravel path, silently to the bus, and knew that I could never forget what I had seen.

I noticed one more thing. In a number of languages, right at the entrance of the camp, something to the effect of “We will never forget” was carved in stone. This is why we celebrate Passover. We’re not just remembering a single moment in time. We celebrate to remember all of our fallen brethren—those who died because they were Jewish. Some died before they even knew they were Jewish. We celebrate because we know that hope and faith are what allow the fallen to rest in peace, and that the survivors counted on the same to pull them through the worst ordeal mankind could ever face at the hands of other men. We celebrate that this may never happen again.

Welcome to Colorado: If We Don't Agree With Your Opinion, You're Fired!

2006-03-07T18:12:00.000-07:00

Remember that crazy teacher? Sure, we’ve all had ‘em. They rant and rave and dare you to argue back. Some agree; some disagree; there’s lots of anger and shouting and red faces. The bell rings. You go to physics class.

Apparently, an environment that fosters student discussion is unreasonable. Apparently, education is about passively accepting whatever spews out of the clown in front of a chalkboard. Apparently, even teachers leave their rights at the schoolhouse door.

A quick summary: Jay Bennish, a social studies teacher at Overland High School in Aurora, Colorado, made some Bush-bashing, Michael Moore-ish, crazy hippie liberal comments in class.

“’Who is probably the single most violent nation on planet Earth?’ Bennish asked his class. ‘The United States of America.’”

"’I'm not saying that Bush and Hitler are exactly the same, obviously they're not,’ Bennish said. ‘But there are some eerie similarities to the tones that they use.’"

“’I'm not in any way implying that you should agree with me,’ he said. ‘What I'm trying to get you to do is to think, right, about these issues more in depth.’”(1)

The result of these comments is that Bennish is now on leave at Overland until the school and district administration figure out how to handle this.

If that result doesn’t make you madder than hell, you need to have your head examined.

No, I do not believe it’s truly legitimate to compare Bush to Hitler. Yes, as a Jewish person, I am somewhat offended that the comparison is made so often. No, I do not believe a teacher should be silenced for voicing his opinion, however erroneous that opinion may be.

And yet, given what happened to Bennish, I would have to say the district is only proving him right. He compared the government to an oppressive regime and was instantly silenced by the district with the support of the governor for doing so. There’s a dark irony to this situation.

But there are lots of crazy liberal teachers out there. Why this one? Answer: A budding stand-up comic (AKA 10th grade student of Bennish’s) named Sean Allen tape-recorded (half) of the lecture and sent it to the media. Apparently, Allen missed the boat on education. He thinks his opinions should be spoon-fed to him instead of having to actually think for himself. As someone who wants to keep a (relatively) open mind, I keep trying to understand why Allen did what he did. I really want to see things from his point of view, but alas, I cannot get my head that far up my ass.

The ever-so-brilliant governor of Colorado weighed in on the matter yesterday. He apparently “praised” Allen for bringing the comments to public light and finds the backlash against Allen “interesting.” My problem with this is that it glorifies a kid with a grudge against his teacher for trying to get his teacher fired. Moreover, it glorifies “ratting” a teacher out for being liberal. McCarthyism, anyone?

But here are a couple of Governor Owens’s more astute remarks:

“This is a high school. You assume that many of these students are fairly naïve when it comes to public policy, and they deserve to have both sides presented.”

“I’ll bet that you don’t have Mr. Bennish balancing later in the day talking about the good things that the United States is doing in Iraq, discussing why George Bush is not similar to Adolf Hitler…I’ll bet there just aren’t any tapes from any student of Mr. Bennish giving that other side.” (2)

Well thanks for the confidence Mr. Owens, but I’m pretty sure there are high school kids out there with an awareness of public policy. Those who don’t have this knowledge are in need of what some call an education. Bennish, in fostering discussion in his classroom, was providing this education. Instead of reciting facts, Bennish was asking his students to think for themselves. What a crazy idea! Oh, and I wonder if all these right-wing crazies would be calling for a “fair and balanced” portrayal of the Bush administration if Bennish had been ranting for the right instead of the left.

In response to the second comment, I’d first like Mr. Owens to define what good things Mr. Bennish might say about the war in Iraq at this point. Even the Bush administration admits that we’re there on faulty intelligence. And that whole “instituting freedom and democracy” has been going so well. I can’t imagine why Mr. Bennish left those positive things out of his lectures. To the second half of what Mr. Owens said, I actually believe Bennish heavily qualified his statement about Bush and Hitler with the phrase: “I'm not saying that Bush and Hitler are exactly the same; obviously they're not (Source quoted above).” So, not only is Owens’s statement based on absolute speculation about what the other 20 minutes of class (let alone every other lecture the rest of the year) included in terms of “balanced” information, but the statement is empirically disproved by what Bennish said.

Owens isn’t after balance; he’s after a public school system that reinforces his beliefs. I think he’s the one suffering from naiveté about how public policy works. For those of you who have forgotten (and it’s easy to these days), we live in a democratic society. Debate is patriotic. Dissent is patriotic. Shutting up a teacher for having a differing belief is the antithesis of what this country was founded upon.

Maybe I’m going a bit overboard in my rhetoric here. It just hits so close to home. You see, Overland High School is in the same district as the high school I attend. It’s about a 15-minute drive from my house. If it can happen there, it can happen anywhere.

So remember that crazy, red-faced teacher. Then remember what you gained from that class and that environment. Remember what it’s like to be motivated to do your own research just because you’re interested, not because you have a paper due. Remember what it’s like to take a stand and defend your opinions in public. Remember what it was like when you finally realized that you had control of your own learning. Then realize that Bennish’s absence not only deprives him of his rights, but also limits the educational value of classroom discussion.

Watch your words. Big Brother is listening.

Tonight: I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend, to the death, your right to say it.

Sources:
(1) ABCnews.com: http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1683469
(2) “Governor praises student who taped criticism of Bush.” The Denver Post. Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Today's Lucky Number: 2

2006-02-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

I was driving home today and I realized I had almost forgotten a very special day. No. Not Valentine's Day. Hallmark wouldn't ever let me get away with that.

Today is the Exploding Gopher's second birthday. I'm glad I didn't forget; you don't wanna know what happens when you piss off fiery rodents. So today we celebrate two years of laughs, tears, pictures, random entries, angry rants, links, sappy posts, dumb posts, and the largest single collection of my own thoughts I have available. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am.

Happy Birthday, Me.

Israel: Stuck Again?

2006-02-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, politics can be the most interesting spectator sport. Watching the events of the past few weeks unfold regarding the Israeli and Palestinian plan for peace has been, to say the least, intriguing. Unfortunately, Israel seems to be backed up against the wall once again.

The election of Hamas as a legitimate power in Palestine has to frighten both Israel and the Quartet that's backed the roadmap to peace.

To Israel, the election of Hamas in Palestine has to spell a new era for Israeli counter-terrorism. The days of assassinating Hamas leaders, regardless of their actions, has ended. When Hamas was recognized by the world as a purely terrorist organization, it was easier for Israel to defend its actions (especially in the era of the United States' War on Terror). Now, however, Israel has to be extremely careful. Former anti-terror strikes can now be labeled attacks on a sovereign nation.

Moreover, Hamas is hoping to legitimately recruit a standing army. Since their party platform still includes the destruction of the state of Israel, there's an even bigger problem to be reckoned with. Israel may now face the threat of all-out war with Palestine. So much for peace.

Israel does face a huge dilemma, but the Quartet backing the roadmap to peace (United States, Russia, European Union, and United Nations) must also be very careful in assisting the development of a legitimate Palestinian state. Hamas is widely recognized as a terrorist organization and a large amount of their support comes from their push to destroy Israel. Can the Quartet (the United States in particular) still support Palestine despite the recent turn of events?

A number of things must be considered here. The United States has pushed for free democratic elections (like those instituted in Iraq). There is therefore an obligation to respect the choice of the Palestinian people. However, the United States, due especially to its position in Iraq, can hardly back a terrorist government hell-bent on the destruction of an ally. We're back to the problem of spreading democracy to other countries: what happens if we don't like their choices?

For the most part, it looks as though the world is going to have to recognize the legitimacy of Hamas as the ruling party in Palestine. A delegation of Hamas leaders is expected to visit Russia and hold talks before the end of the month.

There are those out there who will never recognize the legitimacy of Israel; there are just as many who will never recognize the legitimacy of Palestine. The dilemma is whether or not the two can ever peacefully coexist or if the two positions are mutually exclusive. Time will tell.

Movie Review--Match Point

2006-01-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

After a string of mildly entertaining and disappointing movies, Woody Allen has struck back with a new drama that reminds us why he's as acclaimed as he is.

Quick synopsis (no spoilers, don't worry): Chris, a former B+ professional tennis player, leaves the pro circuit to get a steady job as a tennis instructor in upper-class London. His relationships with a rich family lead him to Chloe, whom he marries. Unfortunately, he falls in love with Nola, his brother-in-law's fiance.

Sure, it's a typical Woody Allen plot. And yeah, certain themes (infidelity, not wanting to have children, etc.) recur in a large number of Allen flicks. But what's different is what makes this movie great.

First off, the neurotic Brooklyn Jewish comedy is gone. There are few comic lines that display bitter wit instead of classic Allen humor. To be honest, after witnessing Will Farrell stumble through an often mediocre Woody Allen impression in "Melinda and Melinda," the absence of such a character was, ironically, a great addition to the movie.

Second, Allen hooks you on an unpredictable plot. Usually I can be more candid about films, but revealing information here would be too much of a spoiler. You'll find yourself sympathizing (as usual) with a scumbag; however, this time, you'll have to double-check your instincts.

Third, the writing is even better than usual. His movies (Annie Hall, Manhattan, Hannah and Her Sisters) are hard to top, but the beautiful language here is like a fine novel.

The soundtrack is an extra little gem; never has opera had so much meaning.

Without a doubt, one of the finest films I've seen in a very long time. Things hadn't been going well for Allen lately, but I guess he just got lucky on this one.

Rating: 5/5

Reminders

2006-01-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I've been spending my time doing college scholarship applications and the like. Oh yeah, and that little thing called school has definitely been taking up my life. I keep a regular journal and the entries that are less "blog-esque" and more interesting will be edited and posted for your viewing pleasure.

One quick reminder: I know it's been two months since I've posted, but that doesn't make my comments section an advertising board. In fact, it's never an advertising board. I like keeping in touch with people regarding my blog, but I'm not running a free classified for your blog. You can find better ways of promoting yourself.

Tonight: Be Unreasonable

A Turkey’s Thoughts

2005-11-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

I know I’m among millions of American bloggers today talking about Thanksgiving, but that doesn’t stop me. Being part of a crowd is no great crime (unless, of course, your crowd is committing felonies).

It’s hard not to be sappy and nostalgic at a time like this. Today I sit here a minor for only five more days. I’m living with the same people (and dog) I’ve lived with my entire life, and in enjoying the company of familiarity, I realize next year will be one of great paradox. At this time next year, I’ll be visiting my own home.

For no other reason than that, it’s a time to count my blessings. A loving family that provides for my needs (and most of my frivolous wants) has to be at the top of that list. Good families are hard to come by, and I can’t help but be thankful for the hand I’ve been dealt in that regard.

In knowing I’m going away, it’s hard, too, to not think of my friends. The people I see everyday: they’re enough of a reason to get out of bed every morning. I don’t have the words, and therefore can’t even try, to express my deepest and humblest gratitude for all you do everyday. I feel like I’ll end up stepping in hot water if I start listing names, but you know who you are and you need to know how important y’all are to me. I mean, c’mon, you let me get away with saying stupid shit like “y’all.”

Remember, it’s not about getting what you want; it’s about wanting what you’ve got. Thank you.

Tonight: Tell someone you love them.*

*And be sure to make many grammatical errors

Boycott Injustice

2005-11-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

I received an e-mail from Stratfor today that details the American Family Association’s call for a November 25th boycott of Target. The reason? Target has refused to use the phrase “Merry Christmas” this holiday season.

For the record, I think Target has gone too politically correct. I’m not a Christian, but I’m certainly not offended that people who shop at Target are. However, I fully support Target’s symbolic battle against the AFA if only because the people who spew this propaganda are, to put it mildly, lunatics.

What interests me most about groups like the AFA is that they pick their moral battles. Gay marriage and profanity on TV are unacceptable, but infidelity and divorce in a “cookie cutter” family are merely unfortunate. Don’t get me wrong; I think there’s plenty wrong with American culture. I even hate the show Will & Grace, but that’s due to the travesty of “acting” and “writing” that went into the show. I don’t have enough web space to attack the horror that is modern American culture, but I know the degeneration of society has more to do with groups like the AFA than it has to do with homosexuals.

From Stratfor:

“[The] AFA seeks opportunities for its supporters to flex their muscles in society -- fighting back, essentially, against what they see as hostile media and culture leaders. AFA does this by sponsoring boycotts and letter-writing campaigns. For instance, in addition to the Target activities, AFA in late October launched a longer-term boycott of the American Girl doll company because it gives money to an organization that supports pro-choice and gay-acceptance organizations. AFA also is running a lower-level letter-writing campaign against Kraft for that company's support of the Gay Games athletic festival/gathering.”*

The hypocrisy of the situation astounds me. Again, I’m not a Christian, but I know that Judeo-Christian teachings do not espouse intolerance. In fact, guides of moral behavior would teach the opposite; understanding and acceptance despite stereotypes and fear actually define an aspect of religious moral thought. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” does not contain the provision “unless thy neighbor loves other neighbors of the same gender.” Tolerance isn’t a “sometimes” thing.

Why do we spew hate and then act shocked when people act violently? When Matthew Shepard was beaten to death for his sexual preferences, there was a great outcry against hate crimes. Unfortunately, tragic incidents like this are rooted in the messages at the center of American culture. “Merry Christmas” is good; homosexuality is bad.

The amount of political power groups like the AFA have shocks me. When I drove into Colorado Springs a few weeks ago, I noticed a big green road sign for Focus on the Family, a similar high-power group. At least they have their own exit; I certainly don’t want to catch whatever they have.**

I have no problem with people of a different religion, race, or sexual orientation. I don’t particularly want to pray to Jesus or sleep with a man (and certainly not both at the same time), but it doesn’t bother me that other people would. My decisions about what I watch, where I pray, and whom I spend time with are my own. If my moral code doesn’t apply to you, yours doesn’t apply to me.

As we sit down at our tables tomorrow, we need to give thanks; thanks for the opportunities we’ve been given in this country; for the fact that we can rant about our president without fear of punishment; for the fact that we have the right to choose our own forms of worship; for the right to self-determination. The beauty of (what’s left of) America is that we’re supposedly a nation of opportunity, wealth, prosperity, and freedom. Or is it not OK for me to use their own propaganda against them?

Tonight: Buy American Girl dolls and Kraft cheese at Target

*Source: Bart Mongoven in the Stratfor Public Policy Intelligence Report: November 23, 2005.

**Catch the irony?

Sometimes it really matters

2005-11-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I came home late from a debate tournament. I had spent the day being as productively combative as possible, and every argumentative impulse I had was reawakened by the piece of mail strewn among the daily pile of junk mail and college solicitations. The return address was the United States Government; the contents were my Selective Service materials. In a couple of weeks, I will turn 18 years old, and along with the wonderful privileges of being allowed to buy lotto tickets and cigarettes, I will be eligible to fight in a war.

You'll notice the relative lack of political "analysis" (ranting and raving) on The Exploding Gopher lately. It's not that I've been apathetic; it's that I've put my political arguing skills to use elsewhere than a blog. I'd like to start writing politically again, and I believe receiving my Selective Service card is the perfect reason.

As I watch Bush's numbers, I can't help but be reminded of the "Tower of Doom" ride at Six Flags/Elitch Gardens theme park in Denver. The ride is no more than a free-fall from the clouds.
With indictments, a painfully unpopular war, and a healthy declining apathy on the part of Democrats, the next step is unclear. We can hope that next year's midterm elections (in which I will be able to vote) bring the positive change this country has been desperately seeking during the last five years.

And as much as I like to see the Bush administration cracking, I'm worried. When this happens at the very end of a president's term, the pendulum swings over to the other party and old wrongs are replaced by new ones. However, with three more years of this White House, a declining approval rating both at home and abroad (as if they could get any worse) means a declining ability to get things done. Whether those things are negotiating with other countries in the UN, reforming deficiencies in the bureaucracy, or fixing the disaster we've created in the Middle East, we (unfortunately) still have to look to this administration for solutions. If the illusion of Bush as a "strong leader" is gone, he's got little left. One more small misstep, and we're up shit creek without a paddle. Just ask the city of New Orleans how that feels.

Happy early birthday to me.

Almost a Good Yom Kippur Story

2005-10-14T20:06:00.000-06:00

This isn't exactly a story of redemption, but I've heard it about a thousand times and have always loved it. So here's my version:

In a time before kings were synonymous with tyrants, there lived a very wise king. This king was very concerned with the moral character of his people, and he therefore devised a number of tests to reward those who did the right thing. This is the story of one such test.

One fine summer day, the king placed a large boulder in the middle of the road. It obstructed the way, but not so much that people could not go about their everyday lives. He then hid beside the road to see the reaction.

The finest people of the land--princes and princesses, lords and ladies--simply stepped around the barrier without much of a second thought. Many even blamed or cursed the king for his negligence in clearing the roads.

Needless to say, the king was quite disappointed. As he was preparing to move the boulder back onto the side of the road, he noticed a poor merchant walking home. The man was tired after many days of fruitless work at the market. Upon seeing the boulder, he did something remarkable. The merchant carefully placed his goods by the side of the road and moved the rock. When the road was clear, and the merchant was gathering his belongings, he noticed a sack in the road where the rock had been. It was filled with gold coins, and contained a note which read:

"Thank you for your act of Tikun Olam. He who lives only for himself will ultimately walk away empty handed."

Like I said, not exactly a story of redemption, but it does remind us how to live a good life. On Yom Kippur, it's important not only to repent for past actions but to learn how to act better in the coming year. We always have an opportunity, in however small a way, to make the world a better place. You never know what riches you may find.

Tonight: Tell a favorite story.

Hoping for Snow

2005-10-09T20:21:00.000-06:00

Here's the news of the day:

Haunted houses rock
Rainy Sundays rock even more
I got into CU Boulder

So it's a good day. I really want it to snow tomorrow like they say it will. I love Colorado winters.

Tonight: Want what you've got.

Approval Ratings

2005-10-01T17:15:00.000-06:00

I sent my dad a Stratfor article regarding two-term presidents and their success (or lack thereof) in the second term. The following is his reply:

"Regarding the Stratfor article about Bush: Thanks for sending it.

If they are right about the next few weeks being critical in determining
which category of 2-term presidents that Bush will end up in, then the
outcome is predictable. American voters are the same people who
determine which of the fall TV shows stay on the air, largely based on
the Nielsen ratings. Most shows get (and, in fact, deserve) about 5
minutes of people's attention. If they like them, they stay on the air.
If not, gone.

Bush has a 40 share. The presidential television audience has already
decided that the show will stay. Within the first week following the
hurricane, we should have burned down the White House. Instead, there
are accusations and cross-accusations that are of diminishing interest
to an audience that is going to watch the show no matter what.

Nobody ever canceled a show with a 40 share. "The President Heads
South" is merely the name of the show. However, it is not what it's
really about."

He needs to get a blog, no?

Tonight: Be safe and have a BLAST!

It's been awhile...

2005-09-01T16:48:00.000-06:00

...since you've heard from an Exploding Gopher. I have a low homework night, so I just thought I'd check in for a bit of a life update.

School started a couple of weeks ago, and with it came a whole lot of activities, good times, hard times, and a (new) regular routine. Unfortunately, until now, that routine had not included pointless blog posts. Lucky you.

It's not that I haven't had anything to blog about--there was a huge protest in Crawford, Texas and New Orleans is currently a lake. I just think my comments are better suited for my friends and my AP U.S. Government course. I haven't subjected y'all to a liberal rant in a long time, as I've really had nothing new to say. Sometimes just understanding my own position relative to the position of others is enough satisfaction and doesn't require me pissing anybody off. There's a time and a place for debate, but a teenager’s blog may not necessarily be that place.

I've learned many other things this year. For example, even the most solid things in our lives can move or change in an instant. This can take some getting used to; this can just downright hurt sometimes. Sometimes you just don't want to see the silver lining--it's not worth the risk of being struck by lightning. But life goes on; like that Chris Cagle song, we just put one foot in front of the other and continue living our lives.

And yet, we have to see the other side of the coin. It's probably true that nothing gold can stay, but that opens up the possibility that the negative aspects of our lives change equally. Friendships you never thought you could salvage suddenly fall back into your lap, old acquaintances become new friends, and old friendships become more valuable than all the gold in the world. Maybe it's worth risking the heartache and pain. Maybe that's the ultimate dilemma we're to face when it comes to our relationships.

I've learned that forever is a bad word. We use the as a source of comfort--a way to ease our insecurities. All you've gotta do is listen to Ben Harper's "Forever" to figure out why this ultimately causes us more pain. Forever allows us to be surprised when we're hurt instead of just pissed off.

I've learned that being a leader is much harder than being a follower. Having people look to and rely on you is a great responsibility. Everybody wants to be a leader at sometime in their lives, but what separates the best from the rest is the fulfillment of service duties as a leader.

I've also learned the difference between speed and velocity, distance and displacement, and AP and Honors classes.

Oh, and there's no day that can't be made slightly better by Jason Mraz or Barenaked Ladies.

Tonight: Learn to control verbal vomit

Blog At Work

2005-08-16T12:17:00.000-06:00

I'm taking some time out of lunch to share my life with all of you out there. Feel special, because you are. I think.

There are two album reviews in the works: one is of Nickel Creek's "Why Should the Fire Die" and the other is Alison Krauss & Union Station's "Lonely Runs Both Ways." Suffice it to say, both albums will be highly recommended, so buying them would be a good choice.

Summer is almost officially over. I registered for school yesterday with the bittersweet realization that I will never go through that horrendous registration process again. I'm just glad my schedule came out OK and that I can skip schedule changes today. They started at 1:00 this afternoon, but people have been lined up since the asscrack of dawn. Poor souls.

I haven't read as much as I'd have liked to this summer, but I still think I was productive. The new Harry Potter is fabulous. I would tell everyone to go buy it, but I know anybody nerdy enough to be reading my blog read it the week it was released. For school, I finished A Prayer for Owen Meany and Sophie's World, both of which were good--not perfect, but good. I'm in the middle of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest which has the potential to be perfect. The writing is brilliant and the story is engaging. I think that's all I've read that has significance; fantasy spoofs definitely don't count.

I've also discovered the tool of the devil: Myspace.com. I'm not gonna rant forever about it, but I do think it's one of the greatest pains in the ass ever invented. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy reading my friends' profiles, however. Plus, I had a hilarious moment when I typed in an old friend's name and a picture of a squirrel came up. So it's not completely useless, but rather mildly annoying. I guess that's what they say about me too, right?

Tonight: Turn your friends into squirrels

P.S. There are two points of irony I'd like to point out. One, the spell check on Blogger wanted to replace the word "Myspace.com" with "mischievous." That made me laugh. Two, the (same) fucking spell check doesn't recognize the words "blog" or "blogger." Anyone besides me find that odd?

Compromise

2005-07-31T15:36:00.000-06:00

Our lives bring us into some very tricky situations. There's no way we can always know how to act, react, or feel about certain events. What makes us mature, however, is our ability to see beyond our immediate feelings and understand the implications of our actions.

Ultimately, we are driven to act selfishly. I believe that our instincts always tell us to act in accordance to self-preservation and self-interest. That's why compromise is not something that comes naturally, and selfless sacrifice is even harder. At some point, however, we are forced to do both. As the Stones said: "You can't always get what you want." And remember what happened in Bruce Almighty when a careless God granted every prayer and wish? Our failures teach us that selfishness, while often a source of immediate satisfaction, leads us down a path of destruction. The maturation process allows us to see that compromise and sacrifice make us better people.

Unfortunately, drawing the bright line between a good compromise and self-destructive behavior is impossible. There's no set of rules and regulations that allows us to know whether we're giving up the right things for the right reasons. What I do know, however, is that everyone has their uncompromisable issues. Patriotism, politics, life values, even certain friendships--we all have pieces of our lives and of ourselves that cannot, will not, and should not be given up for any reason.

Experience, our best instructor, teaches us what those issues are. We learn how to get around them and maintain the most important parts of our lives while still trying to act with regard to others. While our compromises should never turn into martyrdom, we can never give up our ability to sacrifice for a greater good. So figure out what's most important to you and get those on the "non-negotiable" list. Everything else is debatable.

Tonight: Figure it all out

Album Review--Jason Mraz: Mr. A-Z

2005-07-27T17:18:00.000-06:00

Mraz strikes again with a top-notch studio album. Mr. A-Z, with the exception of one song, is a deviation from traditional Jason Mraz material and presents a much more developed and mature musician.

The exception is, of course, Wordplay, the album's first single. Clever, original, and upbeat, Wordplay is the kind of song that originally created Mraz's fan base. However, like its predecessors The Remedy and Curbside Prophet, Wordplay does not present the full spectrum of Mraz's talents.

Jason Mraz makes the most of his studio. Unlike Waiting For My Rocket To Come, Mr. A-Z turns away from guitar-driven pop. With lots of layered vocals, keyboards, synths, and some incredible guitar playing, Mraz has figured out how to make the studio work for him. As a huge fan of his live work, however, I'm left wondering how these songs could sound sans studio enhancements. I think Mraz could easily turn this album into an acoustic masterpiece, which I would definitely be interested in.

Mr. A-Z is as good as Mraz gets in the studio, however. Each song drips with the superb songwriting for which he has become famous. The songs tie into each other and create more than a mere collection of individual pieces.

Mraz is definitely no "one hit wonder" and proves it twelve times in this bold but satisfying new album.

Overall rating: 4/5 (Just because Mraz should not be locked in a studio)

Top Tracks:
1) Life is Wonderful
3) Geek in the Pink
7) Bella Luna
11) The Forecast

Other Crazy Animals

2005-07-25T19:54:00.000-06:00

I guess every blog must have its eccentricities. When I started the Exploding Gopher, I was planning on making it a creative outlet as well. As my writing and audience developed, however, it became very clear that amateur teenage poetry somehow didn't fit into the eclectic hodgepodge that makes up this site. The Exploding Gopher therefore spawned a connected site, despite the fact that (until now) I have done my best to distance the two blogs from each other.

I'm not sure why. This blog gets its share of regular visitors, and I certainly don't post my writing online for me only. Maybe it's just an image thing. Here, I am cynical, political, musical, critical, funny (sometimes), offensive, angry, sappy, corny, irritating, and just generally all over the place. The other side of me is quite different. It's where I can be the most honest and the most mysterious. Things that I can't be quite so open and honest about in prose may work their sneaky way into a different form. It's my therapy and my true expression of emotions too complex for an Exploding Gopher to handle. I enjoy them. I hope you will too.

Please take some time to visit The Flying Goat and send me some feedback.

Tonight: Write until your thirst is quenched

Camping Rocks

2005-07-18T11:53:00.000-06:00

Normally, you probably would have heard from me this weekend. It is (unfortunately) impossible, however, to run a computer and Internet connection without electricity or phone service.

One of my amazing friends decided that last weekend would be a great time to get away from our busy summers and spend time up in the mountains. The trip was phenomenal. She's got a whole hell of a lot of land up in the middle of nowhere and we spent a couple of days relaxing and freezing our asses off in the coldest lake ever.

Right around dinnertime on Saturday night, a thunderstorm came rolling over the mountain on which we were camping. The rain was amazing; after a hot day, there's nothing like a cold downpour to make me smile.

We slept out under the stars on one of the higher spots on the property. A lot of rustling woke the camp up to a celestial show even the hardest of cynics would be awed by. I've never felt more content in my entire life than at that one moment. Trust me, there's nothing like a couple of days in the mountains to melt away all worries.

Between all of the minor injuries, bug bites, truck rides, cold swims, hot cabins, long conversations, over-competitive Taboo games, ball-busting, and nature walks, I found what I've been looking for all summer: the warmest and most wonderful blanket of friendship. What a weekend.

Tonight: Be grateful for the amazing people in your life.

Big Changes

2005-07-11T20:00:00.000-06:00

The Exploding Gopher's tales from a dry cleaner have come to an end. I thought I would have material for new blog posts, but work this year was the same as always, and with the exception of a few inept employees, there's nothing really to tell. So, just so that I'd have interesting stories for my few fans, I got a new job.

That's right, I went into the city today to start my new full-time (summer) job with a large company. I experienced a major culture shock. I went from a small, independently owned dry cleaner to a multi-national organization owned by one of the wealthiest businessmen on the planet. There is no preparation for such a transition. The new job is great, but that's not to say it's without its disadvantages:

I'm stuck in corporate cubicle Hell at the age of 17.
Incompetence, laziness, and flat-out stupidity can go unnoticed and uncorrected. Forgive my innocence on the matter.
Business strategy is based on motivational speeches. For instance, people can write e-mails to each other that say: "Thank you for your great use of leadership potential on this project. As we continue to stretch for our goals, we look forward to including you as a member of our development strategy team." I feel like using some leadership potential and breaking my shoe off in somebody's ass, but I'm too cynical for this job.

There are many advantages to this job, too:

I can listen to my iPod.
I get to sit down and use a computer.
The only phone I have to answer is my cell phone.
The asshole customers (as all customers of any company are assholes) are far, far away from me.

Winner: advantages. Plus, it's full-time summer work. What could be better than raking in the cash by scanning shit into a computer? More stories to come, but I have to be much less specific about my work at this new company. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Tonight: Who cares?

Sex Is Evil

2005-07-07T21:26:00.000-06:00

I didn't know this before yesterday, but apparently sex is evil. I was reading this article in Rolling Stone about the new wave of Christian "soldiers" who are refraining from sex to purify themselves in the eyes of God. Now, abstinence isn't the worst idea in the world, but this movement has gone too far. Let's look at the problems:

The movement supports abstinence-only education. Due to the fact that most of these people can't read, they probably missed the fact that abstinence-only education does more harm than good. They can't prevent everyone from having sex, and their form of "education" is therefore crippling. By shaming teens and teaching them nothing about being safe, proponents of abstinence-only education actually (accidentally, of course) encourage unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STDs.
The movement goes too far. From the Rolling Stone article: "The movement recommends memorizing the locations of sexy billboards so you can avoid them and switching to Fox News when sexy commercials air." I hope you laughed when you read that because I sure did. I mean, sure, a kid with a map of every sexy billboard in the city has to be more chaste than someone who just drives home normally. Next thing you know, they'll be recommending that drivers close their eyes if they see a member of the opposite sex on the sidewalk. You may drive into a garbage truck, but at least you'll have "pure" thoughts. I do agree on the second point though: nothing kills a boner like Fox News (unless you work in the White House).
The movement simply provides a different forum for talking about sex. Again from the same article: "Not having sex means talking about it constantly. At their church, where most of the congregation is young and single, sex comes up in nearly every sermon." Even if you ignore the double entendre in that sentence, the whole thing is riddled with irony. They're just making church a place to get all worked up about sex. I'm sure Freud could tell you exactly how fucked up this is, but I can't say this exactly seems healthy or productive.

Not to mention that nearly everybody pictured in conjunction with this story is butt ugly. I have trouble believing some of these people are virgins by choice. Then again, I am an asshole.

Tonight: Pump up the irony

Exploding Apology

2005-06-27T09:37:00.000-06:00

I just realized this morning that I've been neglecting the Exploding Gopher lately. I always assumed I'd be writing more in the summer, but I've just been so busy living my life that I haven't had time to write about it. Here's a quick update on the summer life of an Exploding Gopher.

I spent June 11th-June 18th in Philadelphia for the national debate tournament. The tournament was fun, the competition was good, but the city was disgusting. Anything that makes New York look clean by comparison should be scary.

Lately, I've picked up my old job at a dry cleaners and I'm starting volunteer work this week. It's nice to just have some time to relax, read the news, have coffee, play the guitar, whatever. Interesting stories and links to come soon, but for now, enjoy the b-e-a-utiful weather and get some effing rest.

Tonight: Party

Aspirin: Headache Relief or Evil Monster?

2005-06-08T16:35:00.000-06:00

I was watching Jeopardy at the health club this afternoon and saw one of the most bizarre advertisements ever. It's just a woman talking to a camera, and she's talking about her chronic headaches. She's discussing possible pain relief and then says:

I didn't care what I took. I knew that some caused stomach problems, but they never seemed to affect me. Then I found out that aspirin can hurt your stomach and you don't even know it. Buy Tylenol.

OK, so that's not an exact quote, but it's pretty damn close. I was shocked at the blatant scare tactic in this advertisement. She might as well have said, "You will die if you don't buy this product!" So I've decided to write my own promotion for Tylenol.

"The opening scene is a man sitting in a wheelchair. He says:

I used to get chronic headaches. Sometimes, they were just too much to bear. I was willing to take anything to make the pain go away. I didn't care where my money went until my legs were stolen by terrorists. I did my own research and discovered that funds used for the purchase of aspirin or aspirin-related products goes directly to supporting terrorism. That's why I take Tylenol. Tylenol is a good American company; all of our products are terrorist-free. You can be sure that when you buy Tylenol, your money goes to support big American business. Remember: if you buy aspirin, you might as well be named Osama.

An American flag appears on the screen, a disembodied voice says:

My name is George Bush, and I approved this message."

I'm in a weird mood today.

Tonight: Use scare tactics to sell pain-relief medicine.

Checking site stats can be fun

2005-06-04T23:26:00.000-06:00

I checked sitemeter for the first time in awhile, and discovered one of the funnier search terms used to find the Exploding Gopher: peacock feces picture. Why anybody would ever want to access that is beyond me, and why they clicked my link on Yahoo is even more perplexing. Last I checked, I've never written about nor have I posted any pictures of bird shit. I have much more interesting material (I hope). Still, a hit's a hit, right?

Album Review--Tracy Lawrence: Strong

2005-06-04T22:45:00.000-06:00

I first heard Tracy Lawrence a long time ago on the local country radio station. I think that a little bit of country music is good for everybody; you've got to take least a little bit of guilty pleasure in listening to a twangy guitar and a set of ridiculous lyrics. For those of us who are more than just closet country fans, God made "artists" like Tracy Lawrence.

I put Lawrence in the same category as Tim McGraw. He doesn't write is own music, he doesn't bring anything brand new to the country music scene, and he certainly doesn't have the greatest voice I've ever heard. But he does have the qualities every country musician needs: he looks good with a guitar, he can say "daddy" and "momma" with a straight face, and he wears a cowboy hat and jeans everywhere.

Strong is one of the most common albums I've ever listened to. It combines a decent ratio of slow, brooding songs with upbeat, honky-tonk songs that are perfect for line-dancing. I've been listening to Paint Me A Birmingham (Track 4) for ages and have always loved it. It's too bad Buck Moore and Gary Duffy (the guys who wrote it) only wrote the one song for the album.

The first song (It's All How You Look At It) is a prime example of mediocre writing:

I guess it's all how you look at it
You might see more than the side that you're seeing
Turn it upside down and shake it up a bit
It could be a good thing
It's all how you look at it.

Yes, the entire song is based on that premise. I'm sorry, but trite motivational speeches need to be limited to high school stages and blogs. Aside from the subject, that chorus is completely devoid of any meaning. I, for one, am of the opinion that lyrics have to "wow" you for a song to have a lot of power. All the slide guitars and western accents in the world can't make up for lackluster writing. It's like a poorly written movie; even Jack Nicholson has trouble pulling off the lines in an Adam Sandler flick.

I still have to give Lawrence credit for singing some of this with a straight face. He seems to pull off even the most nonsensical lyric with at least enough sincerity that makes you want to play the song again. His voice also shows some versatility, though only in that cheesy country crooner sort of way. Overall, however, the album fails to really speak to any real emotion. If you're only a closet country fan, you probably won't enjoy this album; the audience for this one is definitely limited.

Rating: 2/5

Top Tracks:
3. Stones
4. Paint Me A Birmingham
6. A Far Cry From You
7. Bobby Darwin's Daughter

War!

2005-06-03T20:55:00.000-06:00

In February of my 5th grade year, we moved into the house I currently live in today. It was a pleasant neighborhood in the middle of yuppie suburban Denver. There are only forty-nine houses here. We all live very close to each other; it's one of the smallest neighborhoods in the area. Now, you'd think that such a small community with common interests in the city as a whole would be able to come together to at least achieve some common goals. You would, of course, be dead wrong. I go to a high school of 3,600 petty, unforgiving, competitive students, and I still have not seen a battle like the one ensuing in my neighborhood this week.

A sidenote at this point is necessary: I'm posting this only to vent and hopefully incite a chuckle or two. No specific people are guiltier than others and I will mention no names on this posting. I certainly don't want to fan the already out of control flames in my crazy-ass neighborhood.

In any covenant-controlled neighborhood, there exists a body of enforcement. Our neighborhood has two methods in place for controlling the look and "politics" of the neighborhood. The first, seen in any community, is a neighborhood board, consisting of elected members who evaluate neighborhood concerns at regular meetings. The second body is a special committee, consisting of mostly volunteers, that specifically enforces neighborhood covenants. This committee has the power to approve or deny requests pertaining to the building of a new deck, the paint color of a new house, the signs and decorations in neighbor's yard, and other such trivial things. For the rest of this post, this committee will be referred to as the "GFYC," or the Go Fuck Yourself Committee. I should point out here that nobody in this community any longer believes he has any sort of ownership over his own house; anything the bank doesn't own is controlled by the GFYC.

I'm a little fuzzy on the details here, which is OK, as I want to keep this post as innocuous as possible. What I gather happened is that the GFYC, in regular fashion, wanted to invade someone's private life and property. The elected board, tired of dealing with it, hired a company to oversee the neighborhood and took over the job of the GFYC. However, the GFYC sees itself as the voice of reason and the upholder of a Rousseau-esque general will. So, the leaders of the GFYC began a nasty e-mail battle the likes of which has never been seen before.

These people honestly think they're political leaders. The e-mails flying back and forth have neighbors pleading: "Where is the democracy?" and condemning the board for desiring "complete control." I swear, the GFYC (which we can now equate to the Third Estate) is just going to form its own revolutionary council, rewrite the covenants, and establish a new order under the principles of Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, and Green Grass. The women will march with pikes to the mailbox and will force the board members to give up their power. Then, out comes the guillotine.

I have honestly never seen this many people so upset about something so trivial. Nasty letters are flying back and forth, people are accosting each other in the street, and the next board meeting is sure to turn into a bloody suburban fight to the death. The weapons will be lawn chairs, croquet sets, and flower pots.

Here's the point:

You don't have to be best friends with your neighbors. You don't have to spend tons of time at their houses or organize weekly barbecues. But shit, you still have to live close to one another. Sooner or later, the door on your two-car garage has to open and you've got to step out into the sunlight. The question is: what will you find when you leave your own property? Will you hear the summer sounds of lawnmowers, laughing children, barking dogs, and lively conversation? Or will you hear harsh words and slamming doors? Whoever wins this battle has lost the war, for an angry and divided neighborhood only makes living here worse--even for the "victors."

Tonight: Lose sight of the big picture

Plants Are Amazing

2005-05-30T16:25:00.000-06:00

Forgive my random outburst yesterday. It happens from time to time; what can you expect from an exploding gopher?

So I spent all morning in the garden planting annuals. I always forget how much I like being out there--not because I really love getting dirty or because I can't live without earthworms, but because sometimes there's nothing like two hours completely to myself. Some want to escape to a deserted island; I just use my front yard. Plus, now the front of my house is way more colorful than it was two days ago.

I also got a bonsai tree at Whole Foods today. I have no idea how to take care of this thing, and no two websites agree on how to prevent its impending death. I'm just going to take the easy way out: water it when it gets dry, put it in the sun, and hope like hell it doesn't croak before the end of the summer. I do like the idea that there's slightly more oxygen in my room now that I've got a tree.

I think it's time to clean my closet.

Tonight: Learn a new song

Mistakes

2005-05-29T18:11:00.000-06:00

It's time for a really absurd and cliché post. Haven't read any of those on this blog lately, eh?

We all make mistakes. Some are greater than others, and some cause more pain than others. Some cause us to better ourselves, and some (unfortunately) have negative impacts.

What can you say to someone you've hurt inadvertently? There's only so much one "I'm sorry" can say, and all the words in the world fail to convey true remorse. There are some deeds that flowers, chocolate, teddy bears, and a thousand sunsets only chip away at. Other times, we hold grudges unnecessarily; we have a right to be mad, but we go too far. I guess there's just a lot of grey area. Self-respect and humility conflict around every corner.

I regret plenty of things I've done, and I hope I've (at least somewhat) remedied my past wrongs. Regardless, I have to get up tomorrow and live in the world I've created around myself. I have to look in the mirror tomorrow and be proud of who I am and what I've done. We all have the power to make life tolerable or not through our own actions.

My fortune cookie told me that I will soon "receive pleasant news." After a weekend like this, I sure hope a slip of paper inside my sugar-filled treat knows more than I do. I guess we'll see.

Tonight: Right a wrong.

Friendships, the Sequel

2005-05-21T19:51:00.000-06:00

My favorite part of owning a blog is interacting with my readers. I got a comment on the last post, and would like to use this post to respond to the aforementioned comment.

What I like about my Anonymous reader is that (s)he understands exactly what I was getting at with the first one. This just gives me direction to further develop my point.

[W]hen do you decide too much of you has been swallowed up, how many bumps are too many and how much is too much rain?

I somewhat agree with the answer given for this question. However, I don't think that you know you're giving too much away simply because you fall away from other people and things in your life. It's slightly more complex for two reasons.

There's never just one reason for drifting away from your friends. I've dealt with this extremely recently. These formative years in high school allow people to change in a safe environment and truly learn who they are before they're out completely on their own. Sometimes, unfortunately, people who have known each other a long time change in different directions. Friends, even close ones, can fade out of your life more easily than you ever expect, and while it can hurt to realize this, it also may not be anyone's fault. So I'm not sure drifting away from certain friends is an indication of too much investment in one friendship; it's natural to like some people more than others and to distance yourself from people who you don't get along with in favor of being with people you do.
There are other indications of being too invested with one person. Sure, leaving behind other aspects of your life is one of those signs. Another more obvious sign, however, is a general sense of dissatisfaction with a person. If there's someone you don't feel complete without, you may need to evaluate how valuable you are to that person. I'm not saying that anyone can be complete on their own, but if only one person in the world can make you happy, you may be too reliant on that person. It's important to explore the kind of people you ultimately want in your life, not limit your happiness to one person or one situation. That's another great part of high school--learning the kind of people you want to hang out with and, therefore, the kind of person you want to be.

Don't get me wrong because I do agree with my anonymous commenter's basic idea. I've seen multiple occasions where people have given up too much for one person and have caused pain to themselves and to the people around them. It's not an easy balance to find. On one hand, you want to love and be loved; on the other, you need to be strong enough on your own to handle the curveballs life throws at you. In the words of Maroon 5: "It's not always rainbows and butterflies; it's compromise that moves us along." Life won't always be perfect, but we can certainly do our best to preserve ourselves and be good friends to others.

There are three things you need in life: something to do, something to look forward to, and someone to love. We can never be without other people, but we can control how much we sacrifice for others. It's a personal decision, but our gut instincts (usually) tell us when we've made the right decisions and when we have not. At the end of the day, it comes down to personal contentment. If you can look back and say you have no (or few) regrets about a situation, then you've made mostly correct choices. If you consistently wish things were different, stop wishing and start acting. You only have one chance to be yourself; nobody should ever take that from you.

Thanks so much to Anonymous for the comment. If this sparks an interest in anyone else, I'd be happy to continue this discussion (either in public [blog] or private [email]).

Friendships

2005-05-19T20:51:00.000-06:00

The end of the year has caused me to do tons of thinking about friendships. With all the goodbyes and tears, it's hard not to think about everything we've built over these past 17 years at home and all we'll be leaving behind in just over a year.

Sometimes, however, I do question what makes a good friendship. It's hard not to; teenagers are fickle and confused. Well, some are at least.

It's hard to pinpoint exactly why some friendships last and others don't. Some can thrive for years and suddenly fizzle in a series of heartbreaking conversations. Some simply fade out of our lives with relatively little notice. Others still can start up with virtually no history and make every day wonderful and exciting.

I guess it doesn't really matter what makes a great friendship, but rather how we know when we're in the right place. There's a fine line between selfless friendship and flat-out self-deprecation, but ultimately, only we know where that line is drawn. You can't give up so much of yourself to another that you're only left with a hollow shell. Friendships should enhance our lives in a unique and profound way. The ride isn't always going to be smooth, and you will have to put up with some rain to get your rainbow, but all that really matters is that you find your pot of gold.

I know who my friends are. Do you?

Tonight: Be the friend a friend would like to have

Three Down, One To Go

2005-05-08T13:37:00.000-06:00

I'm taking a quick break from chem hell to write. Luckily, three of my AP tests are finished: Lang, Calc, and Euro all were last week. I'm so excited to be done with the work for Euro, but I'm going to miss the class (and the teacher) terribly. I don't even know what to do with my 7th period anymore, let alone all the extra time I have at home.

Luckily, all that extra time is currently being consumed with preparatory work for the AP Chemistry exam, which happens Tuesday morning. If anybody knows anything at all about chemistry, I'd be much obliged if you'd post it in the comments.

I'll end with a quick shout-out to all those Moms out there. Happy Mother's Day to all, especially my own. You've given us life; the least we can do is give you a card once a year.

I was searching for a quote to end this unbearably random post, when I ran across a host of quotes from W.S. Gilbert. To be sure, you've seen many of those quotes on this blog before, but I felt it was something completely random to share.

"It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children."
~Kingsley Amis
(No, I have no idea who that is, but it does remind me of that evil principal in Matilda.)

Tonight: Learn about cations, anions, covalent bonds, and isomers. Or something.

Musings

2005-05-01T18:07:00.000-06:00

I was going to write a sappy, pseudo-motivational essay on disappointment, but decided it's just not me. Sometimes I think of my posts to this blog as college essays; they have to be interesting to read, and they can't talk experiences that everybody has. Quite frankly, everybody's been through high school and everyone knows what it's like to be 17 years old. Who the fuck wants to read about that shit? Real life is enough, isn't it?

I guess that's why we love Disney movies and the "Fiction" section at Barnes and Noble. We don't have to deal with who we are in contexts like that; instead, we see finely drawn worlds where heroes are always noble and villains are always the opposite. The line between good and evil is clear. We assume that we always have the ability to act with dignity and allow truth, love, and justice to triumph. When push comes to shove, we pit our ego and super-ego against our id. Most of the time, the little cartoon devil wins. The question is not what triumphs, but why?

I contend that nobility isn't all it's cracked up to be. At some point, a person has to serve his own interests. Moreover, a good deal of so-called "noble" people only act like that to further their own interests. The belief that ethics and morality are utmost considerations is, at best, naive. Am I too cynical? Probably.

I guess our best hope is just to slip into our fantasy lands--the vast worlds of dragons, princesses, and little girls with magical powers--and try to reconcile idealistic lessons with harsh realities. Or just enjoy the hours spent somewhere else.

Tonight: Make your own choice.

Laptopping

2005-04-22T08:51:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting in debate class. For some reason, nobody thinks I'm a huge nerd despite the fact that I'm sitting in class writing a blog. My life is ridiculous.

Speaking of life being ridiculous, why is it that timing is everything? Things that should be flattering and wonderful become difficult to deal with when time is not on your side. Oh well, I guess it all works out in the end. In the words of Mraz, "All things are gonna happen naturally."

I finished my Euro paper, and I'm just over a week away from AP exams. At least I'll have fewer classes three weeks from now. Time to do my chem homework; I've stopped doing it at home, especially when I have a Euro paper to finish. Grrr...

Tonight: Get some effing sleep.

NYC 2005!

2005-04-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

My cheapo digital camera doesn't take fantastic pictures, but I found a couple of memorable shots. The first is from my trip to Ground Zero:

I took this from the World Finance Center across the street from the site of the attack. The actual area is to the right, and you can see that construction is well underway for the rebuilt trade center and memorial. A NY firefighter gave us a tour of the area, and we sang two songs at the site, Song of Triumph and our director's arrangement of the Star Spangled Banner.

This next one is just a picture I took of the Brooklyn Bridge from our stop at the South Street Seaport. It was one ginormous tourist trap, but buying a gyro there was much like trying to get a cup of soup on Seinfeld. It was hilarious, and the gyro was well worth it.

We had a fantastic time in New York City. Times Square is absolutely awesome; there's nothing like seeing it in person. By far the coolest touristy thing we visited was MoMA. The museum is a must see if you go to NYC. Other highlights included St. Bart's Cathedral, the Cathedral of St. John the Divine which is the largest Gothic cathedral on Earth, the Princeton University campus with a short concert in the chapel, the College of New Jersey, and the rudest high school I've ever been to.

Stories, etc. to come later.

Tonight: Catch up on sleep

Meistersingers Tour

2005-03-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

The time has finally arrived. I get on a plane tomorrow morning and fly to New York City. It will be my first trip there.

My choir is going on tour in New York and New Jersey. Given that, there will not be any posts for the next week. I promise to have some pictures &c. as soon as I get back home.

I hope everyone has a fabulous and safe Spring Break. I know I will.

Tonight: Sing a song about NYC

P.S. The word of the week is syllogism (homie).

Choir Lessons

2005-03-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's amazing the amount of life knowledge you can take from a very limited field. Plus, I feel like using an extended metaphor tonight. So, I present for you some things I've learned about life through choir:

1) Sing your own part. You cant help what voice range you are, so sing that part with all your might. The choir needs you to fulfill your role, be it primary melody, secondary melody, or harmonic support. It would be ridiculous to expect a soprano to sing bass. Similarly, it would be ridiculous to expect someone with no talent in science to be a chemist. Be who you are and make the most out of what youve been given.

2) Keep a good balance. A tenor-heavy choir sounds terrible, even if the tenors are good. Despite how incredibly talented you are, you may not always get to stand in the spotlight. Not every song can be a solo. Learn when show-stealing is appropriate and work on succeeding without hindering the progress of others.

3) Technical proficiency and emotion are not mutually exclusive. Rather, the happy medium between the two maximizes the effect of a song. You cant get lost so much in emotion that you forget the basic skills you need. On the other hand, you cant be concentrating so much on singing technically perfectly that you forget a songs meaning. The key again is balance; logic and emotion should both be considered.

4) Mutual dependence and cooperation can be valuable. This is not to say that each persons individual worth is subordinate to the good of the group, but sometimes a group of people can accomplish more than a single person. When was the last time you heard one guy sing a four-part harmony by himself?

Looks like a decent list.

Tonight: Be corny

Tomorrow's Word of the Day

2005-03-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, thanks to crazy online conversations, I have tomorrow's word of the day: yelp. See how many times you can use it (contextually, of course) on Monday, March 21st, 2005.

Props to the person who posts the funniest sentence with "yelp" in it to the comments section.

Tonight: Yelp

Need

2005-03-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

The difference between "need" and "want" is not well-defined. Their definitions are simple; their implications are not. Two people living within yards of each other can have very different needs. The wealthy man living in his loft apartment needs a doorman to keep his expensive belongings safe; the homeless man living in the alley next to his building needs a place to find his next meal. Idealists will argue that the only true needs are air, water, food, and shelter. However, we must remember that anybody who has the time to ponder these issues philosophically is somebody whose basic needs differ significantly from one who lives from hand to mouth.

In my life, need is defined very specifically. As absurd as it is to say, I need my cell phone and my car because they're the only way I can guarantee necessary communication and transportation. I would make do without them, but to a great inconvenience to those around me. But where did these needs come from? I wasn't born with a cell phone and gear shift in hand, but yet my debate/choir/academic schedule all but necessitates my access to these material items. I guess I could forsake all extracurricular activities and go only to school and home, walking both ways, but then college would be harder to get into, and I need to go to college.

You see from that example that the line between need and want is irreconciliably blurred. The question then, is how far we will go to fulfill our "needs." Will we live happily and comfortably, or will we slip into material nimiety? And even if I had all the webspace in the world, I could never answer that question. Only you can determine that. Just put your material possessions into perspective. Should you beg Mom and Dad for that new computer now, or should you wait until a better, cheaper model comes out? Should you save up for the Lexus, or will a Saturn fulfill your needs?

Tonight: Ponder

Cartesian Dualism, Gopher Style

2005-03-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today's postings will be a little bit different. The first one is going to deal with me, my day, and the blog, and the second is going to be a more abstract piece like the one on choices.

Today has been a crazy day. I started out with a math test that continues into tonight with a take-home section. That's not terrible, but it doesn't make me extremely happy. I certainly have plenty to do tonight. Crunch time is hitting, with the end of third quarter fast approaching and the April hell right around the corner. I have four tests in the first two weeks of May that determine how much college credit I can steal for only $82 a course. Not a bad deal, but a scary two weeks. I have to attend an AP European History session immediately after school today, which should clarify some useless information about some footnote in history that may or may not be on the AP exam.

The SATs are finally over after my second attempt. Better to have all my bases covered since I'm not 100% set on college choices yet, so I'll have old scores and new scores.

In unrelated news, despite the work I have this evening, I'll take one hour out of my night to watch the final 12 compete on American Idol. I'm VERY excited that Nikko Smith has been recalled to the stage. I liked Mario Vasquez, but felt that his recent performances had been rather lackluster. Nikko's much better, and I hope that all the Idol freaks (like myself) out there will be voting for him. If anybody is still reading this blog, please post to the comments section what you think the REAL reason for Vasquez's sudden departure is. Drugs? Prison? A record contract? I'm sure we'll find out after the show, but speculating about some random guy's life is way more fun. You can expect a weekly American Idol critique and report on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, respectively, just for kicks. I figure this blog could use more popular crap and less cynicism and Maddox-bashing.

I believe that's all the news for now. This blog is more entertaining than studying, so I'm sure you'll see plenty of new stuff. Tell your friends! The Exploding Gopher is back!

Tonight: See how freakin' random you can be

Addendum: The Blogger spell-check wanted to replace the word "freakin" with "foreskin." Word of the day=foreskin. See how many times you can say it in context. This one's for you, Ri.

Quote of the Day

2005-03-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
-Theodore Roosevelt

Computers Hate Me

2005-03-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I spent half the afternoon trying to get my home network to work, and you know what finally solved the problem? When I set the computers back to exactly the way they were when everything broke. Fucking technology.

Sorry for the recent lack of goatage. I've got some stuff to post, but editing just takes time and effort, neither of which I really have for anything but academics. The good news is that the work will pay off when my classes basically stop in like a month and a half.

Nothing else interesting has happened. Well, I lie. Plenty of interesting stuff has happened, but it doesn't make for good reading. Sorry (sort of).

Enjoy the week, you probably won't hear from me much, but we'll see. Depends on how much time I devote to chemistry and college searches during third period.

Tonight: Kick a computer. Hard.

If you're too much of an impressionable idiot to read Maddox, then don't

2005-03-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

As much as I worship Maddox as an e-god, I think I've finally had my fill. I was, somehow, able to get a reply from the mizzan himself. Here was my(complete) correspondence with him in regards to his last post about how shitty Orbitz is:

From: The Exploding Gopher
To: Maddox

Well, the badass pirate stepped in his own arrogant shit. Thinking that the fine print would reveal Orbitz's scam, he forgot the glaring, neon, bold print on the screen--the print that told him he was flying into one airport and out of another. It's kind of funny, in a "tragic hero" kind of way.

From: Maddox
To: The Exploding Gopher
So what? I fly into one airport and out of another all the time: it's called a connecting flight. I usually don't have to break the laws of physics to make these connections work.

So, for those of you who don't read Maddox but read my blog instead (both of you), allow me to paraphrase his situation. Apparently, he booked an impossible itinerary on Orbitz, flying into San Jose and out of San Francisco. Of course, he blames Orbitz and their shitty customer service for this error, whereas most second graders are aware that San Jose and San Francisco are different places.

I'm not sure what more warning Orbitz could have given him. He got the flight departure and arrival times and the cities the airplanes were arriving in, as long as he knows how to use a map, he should be good to go. But I guess his ineptitude can be blamed on Orbitz; after all, they allowed him to pay $94 for an impossible itinerary.

Shit, man, people make mistakes. That's cool; I can't fault him too much for that (well, except for the fact that he forgot that San Jose and San Francisco are, you know, different cities). The people I can fault are the multitudes who have responded to his call for a boycott. It's honestly frightening that a bunch of drooling nimwits are following this guy around like he's the Messiah. I swear, if this guy got mad at food, there'd be thousands of nerds walking around looking like Gandhi on his behalf. It's amazing these people haven't been hit by a bus yet; they decide where they're going to buy plane tickets based on something some guy posted to his website. These are the same people who call Miss Cleo and get mad when they figure out she's bullshit and sue McDonald's for selling fried food. It's not their fault you don't know what city you're in. Get a grip on reality, or just "choke already."

Funny Glitch

2005-03-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

Yahoo is smarter than I gave it credit for. I have it give me sports scores on the "My Yahoo" page, and (unfortunately) that includes scores for the Rockies. Here's today's score:

Colorado 7
______ 6

The Rockies nearly lost to a team that doesn't exist. I am so glad that somebody brought a baseball team to Colorado and built an entire stadium just for them. Really, I am.

Tonight: Laugh

Choices

2005-03-02T22:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got to pilot an SAT I writing prompt about choices. It asked whether or not we always have the freedom to choose, despite the fact that circumstances can cut off certain choices. Without all the cliché examples, silly anecdotes, and overtly formal style, I present to you the Exploding Gopher on Choice:

I've never believed that life's circumstances really diminish one's ability to choose. Admittedly, some have talents that others don't. I can play the guitar, I can sing, I can write, and I can complete a history paper in less than two hours. But give me a basketball, and I'm lucky if I hit the rim, and woe to those of you that have had the unfortunate circumstance to see me dance. Everybody has their own abilities and limitations. Your choices come, then, not from what you're naturally given, but rather from what you do with your innate talents and abilities.

Moreover, as trite as it is to say, the closing of one door can often disguise a new opportunity. Everyone has difficult circumstances in their life at one point or another. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deals with hardships and distress. Regardless of your belief system--be it God, Fate, Nature, whatever--sometimes things just don't go your way. It's up to you, however, to make the choice: do you wallow in self-pity or do you dust yourself off and become all the better for your experience?

Remember that you always have a full range of choices. These choices are determined on an individual basis based on our past experience, our knowledge of ourselves, our natural talents, and our innate qualities. A research scientist cannot be expected to play football any more than a football player can be expected to do basic math.

One of my favorite cliché philosophies rests on the assertion that life is not about what happens to you, but rather how you choose to act based on your circumstances. I'll never forget my middle school principal (whom we made fun of endlessly for this statement) ending his daily announcements with, "Make it a great day--or not. The choice is yours." All details and vomit-inducing childish phrases aside, this is what it boils down to.

Tonight:

I Love Robin Williams

2005-02-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have heard about how Robin Williams' routine for tonight's Academy Awards was cut. If you hadn't, now you have.

I hate the Oscars and I refuse to watch the show, but I caught one classic moment. Robin Williams came out to present his award with tape over his mouth. With my views about censorship, I just about had a heart attack.

So I officially love Robin Williams. That was fantastic.

Tonight: Read about the French Revolution

Stupidity, etc.

2005-02-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

The next person who blames Grand Theft Auto, Halo, or Doom for a kid's stupid actions should be fed to a hungry wombat.

This rant was inspired by a blog entry I saw while randomly surfing blogs. I'm not about to engage a fellow blogger in an opinion war, so I won't quote exactly from the blog or refer to a specific entry. Here's the gist of the other side's argument: video games depict violent/evil things, kids play video games, kids do violent/evil things, ergo, video games are to blame for the violent/evil things. Welcome to the world of "post hoc ergo propter hoc" or, in English, a logical fallacy.

I guess video games are an easy scapegoat for parents, though. I mean, instead of taking the heat for the fact that your kid thought it was a good idea to steal a car, rob a bank, or shoot up a school, it's much easier to blame Sony and Nintendo. But for fuck's sake, man, who in their right mind would believe this?

Let's see, I've played two versions of Grand Theft Auto, and I have not joined the Mafia. I've played Halo, and I haven't turned into a killer robot...yet. Look, if your kid is young enough that video games do make that kind of impression on him, then he's probably too young to be buying the bloody things for himself. When was the last time an 11 year-old was bringing in enough cash to buy his own shit?

It's a parent's job to teach values and responsibility. If your kid is too dumb to know the difference between a drawing and reality, then you are to blame. So, rather than pointing fingers at an industry that only makes these games because they're insanely popular, maybe parents should be held responsible for raising their damn children.

Tonight: Vent about nothing

Chickens are Cool

2005-02-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

That title isn't as random as you would think.

I really don't have anything constructive to say today. Luckily, I don't need anything constructive to say, as a new baby blog was born today. Her name is YummyChicken and it's going to be great fun to see the blog's development. Check it out; I think you'll like it.

Teaser:

Every person leaves their thumbprint inside of you somehow, whether its the smile you needed so desperately from a stranger on the street or an eleven year friendship that has brought you to your current day self.

I suppose you could say her style of writing inspired the last two short posts on the Exploding Gopher. She's much better at writing those things than I am, so if you want something actually worth reading, check it out. Drop me a line and let me know what you think; actually, better yet, drop her one.

Tonight: Substitute real content with a plug for a friend's blog

Ideals

2005-02-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone has an ideal to aspire to: the perfect spouse, the perfect job, the perfect home. We hold this belief that our lives will be sweetened by some mysterious force--that all is for the best in this best of all possible worlds. But life isn't a series of mellifluous transitions between successes. It sometimes takes repeated embarrassments and failures to accomplish even the most superfluous of tasks. Remember that ideals, while useful for modeling your actions, are "ideal" because they are ultimately unachievable. Don't beat yourself up; instead, strive unreservedly toward your goals, and you will achieve a form of flawed perfection--the most noble of human aspirations.

Tonight: Write corny blog entries

Limits

2005-02-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

Limit, n.: The greatest amount, number, or extent allowed or possible. We all have our limits; they're our guardrails against nervous breakdowns. The metaphorical camel can only carry so much straw. But simply knowing our limits isn't enough. A life of reaction is a life of slavery, so we must carefully consider how we act before we do. This may require complete separation from a touchy situation, but will eventually yield the desired result. So, when you reach your limit, compare your courses of action; maybe silence speaks louder than harsh words ever could.

Tonight: Write shout-outs to your friends.

P.S. HI RILEY!

Confidence Factor

2005-02-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I know one college I'm NOT going to: Coe College. You know why? They sent me an e-mail that began with the following line:

If you cannot read this message, please click here
(The "here" had a link)

I can't believe a university sent that out...

Two Holidays in One!

2005-02-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, you all know it's Valentine's Day or, as many like to call it, Single-Awareness Day. I've had so much sugar, I could explode, but that's OK.

There is, however, a more important holiday we celebrate today. If you look back to the first month of archives, you'll notice the date of the very first Exploding Gopher post: February 14th, 2004. Yes dear friends, today is the Exploding Gopher's first birthday. Just more love in the air, for sure.

To celebrate, the Exploding Gopher will edit, update, and re-publish classic posts to look back on a year of flammable fauna. No, this blog hasn't changed the face of modern politics, allowed those bloody conservatives to see the error of their ways, or made me an international superstar, but it has reached across this vast world wide wasteland and opened many eyes to the world of an Exploding Gopher. That's got to be worth something, eh?

The last thing I'd like to say on this very special day is a giant thank you to everyone. If it weren't for the encouraging comments, e-mails, and link exchanges, I'd have had no reason to keep this project going for so long. Extra thanks go to those who have re-published my work on their blogs. I try to find as many as I can, and I greatly appreciate your dissemination of my ideas. It means I'm achieving some purpose with this, whatever that skewed purpose may be.

Tonight: Sing love songs

UPDATE (2-24-04): I'm afraid my planned celebration totally flopped. Bad idea. Sorry 'bout that. Enjoy the rest of the show.

What a Difference a Day Made

2005-02-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

I heard this on Jamie Cullum's Twentysomething and thought I'd share the lyrics. The album's worth picking up, too.

What a difference a day made,
twenty four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
where there used to be rain

My yesterday was blue dear
Today I'm a part of you dear
My lonely nights are through dear
Since you said you were mine

Oh, what a difference a day made
There's a rainbow before me
Skies above can't be stormy since that moment of bliss
That thrilling kiss

It's heaven when you find romance on your menu
What a difference a day made
And the difference is you, is you
My yesterday was blue dear
Still I'm a part of you dear
My lonely nights are through dear
Since you said you were mine.

Tonight: Relish new chances

Lab Success!

2005-02-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've never worked so hard on something so useless. "Never?" you ask. Well, hardly ever...

This class is really becoming a pain in the ass, but I guess I'll survive. I pulled an A last semester and I have absolutely no idea how I did it.

There's nothing incredibly interesting to say today. I guess any day where you're excited for an off period and a trip to the gym is a hella boring day. Of course, it doesn't help that I have an extra period and a half of European history this evening.

Well, if I get too worked up about it, I might pull a Gopher, which would be bad. We don't want any explosions in the computer lab. Blah.

Tonight: Place a spell on your history teacher

Ready for Chem

2005-02-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

My head is filled with useless knowledge. I can't walk outside without seeing the rust on the iron railings, and I can't see the rust without thinking about a chemical reaction between Fe and O2. I can tell you the electron configuration of any element--just give me a periodic table!

Yesterday I received my order form for AP exams. It's a very scary document to have in my possession. It is the culmination of a hellish year typed out in little boxes on red and yellow paper. I'd like to say that the insignificance of this small item puts the year in perspective; instead, it only makes the prospect of May scarier. Sure, I'll only have to go to three of my six classes come mid-May, but I'll spend the month before that doing more work than most high school students do in four years. I guess that's the sacrifice one makes to follow the so-called American dream.

Debate season is going to start hitting hard. State qualifiers are rapidly approaching, which means the Colorado State Tournament is right around the corner. Scary.

The stress never dies down these days. I just seem to trade one for another. When it's not friends, it's school; when it's not school, it's debate; when it's not debate, it's Meistersingers. If I went to sleep tomorrow and woke up on May 16th, that would be amazing. I now believe that the only way one can enjoy being idle is if he has a thousand tasks to accomplish.

On a random note, I was listening to Mitch Hedberg's CD and I'm now going to fulfill his request:

"If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg

Alright, well it's "time to shine," as my Chem teacher likes to say. Hopefully the test won't be physically painful, but I can't guarantee anything.

Tonight: Get some exercise

Bring on the Rain

2005-02-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

It didn't rain/snow today, which wasn't cool at all. The whole day was a buildup for nothing. So, in honor of the disappointment, writing under a blue sky, I give you the lyrics to one of my favorite songs:

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (‘cause)

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle ‘round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I’m not dead

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

Just seems like the right song for today.

The Third Period Blog

2005-02-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try something new. There's always that ten minutes at the end of third period in which I usually do absolutely nothing, unless I have a test later in the day. Instead of squandering my time on Pop-Tart-seeking adventures, I've decided to squander my time on the school computer. Isn't life wonderful?

We're getting very close to a very special day in Exploding Gopher history. Look back at the earliest archives to see what I mean. There is a celebration planned, but I'm not quite sure what said celebration will entail. I guess we'll see.

The wall of windows to my left reveal a dreary, gray day. The walk between classes is brisk and cold, and there's an almost tangible damper on everyone's spirits. Personally, I'm ready to face this week. It may be a long one, but I have a feeling things can only get better.

A standardized clock above my head signals it's nearly time to go. The students around me are pacing, restless, waiting for the bell to release them to the next big thing. As for me, I'm off to write about trends on the periodic table.

Tonight: Smile

Whoa, where am I?

2005-02-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

I realized with shock and disgrace this morning that I have been abandoning my loyal readers. All three of you. I wish I had a good excuse for being gone so long, but alas, not one. The Flying Goat is updated more frequently these days, and I encourage you to read that in absence of Exploding-Gopherness.

I unfortunately had no motivation to post after my trip to San Francisco and Oakland last month. None. Guess y'all are just going to miss out on that one. My pictures are still yet to be developed anyway, so maybe your curiosity will be satiated once I can get those on a picture CD.

As soon as I get some time, I will begin writing about things that matter. I won't get the chance to write an album review for awhile, but I highly recommend Jamie Cullum's "Twentysomething" if you have any inkling toward vocal jazz music. He's amazing.

And now for something completely different:

Tonight: Post random pictures of rodent-esque dogs.

An Honest Teacher

2005-01-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

In a rare moment today, a suburban high school teacher had a moment of blatant honesty. Observe:

Me: Man, it's freezing in here!
Ms. J: Of course! How do you expect me to maintain my icy heart in a warm room?

It's true; she's a scary woman. At least she's owns up to it.

Tonight: Freak out about final exams

The End of Late Fees!

2005-01-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

And the beginning of something much worse.

Blockbuster has introduced a new program to pacify all those people who bitch about exorbitant late fees. Instead, they've found a much better way to screw us while pretending they've done something noble.

This no more late fees thing intrigued me, as I'm one of those dumb people who bitches about late fees. It used to cost more to keep a movie an extra two days than to rent it a second time. As you know, it's a huge inconvenience to Blockbuster and their customers when one of the twenty-thousand copies of "Anchorman" is missing for an extra couple of days. But I digress.

The FAQs on the Blockbuster website gave me the answer I was looking for. I knew Blockbuster couldn't possibly be doing something good for the customer, and I found the catch. From the Blockbuster Online FAQ section:

If you still have a movie or game seven (7) days after the due date shown on your receipt, we will convert your rental to a sale. The movie or game will be sold to you at the selling price in effect at the time of rental, which is either the retail price, or, when available, at the previously-rented selling price, less the initial rental fee you paid.

So, let me get this straight. There's no longer a late fee, unless you're late in returning your movie. Check this out, we can do a little math and see how this new policy stacks up against the old one. Let's say you pay around $5 to rent the movie, and then you accidentally keep it for an extra week. At about $2 per day, that gives you $14 in late fees plus the initial $5 to rent, correct? So, under the old system, if you returned your movie a week late, it'd cost you almost $20. Under the new system, if you return your movie a week late, it'll cost you about $20.

Despite the fact that nobody's actually going to save much money, I can't help but think this system is significantly worse. I mean, what if you make some horrible mistake like renting "Gigli" and then you forget about it? You don't want that filth lying around your home any more than you want a cockroach gnawing on your eyelids.

Not only that, they've made the process of returning movies on the eighth day more hellish than ever. Because your "rental" is converted to a "sale" in the computer, they have to change that back and then check the movie in. Apparently, this is a very expensive process:

BLOCKBUSTER incurs processing, administrative and other costs when we have to convert rental product to a sale, as well as when you return the product after that sale. The restocking fee helps to cover that cost.

Administrative costs? This has to be a joke. I have to ask, who's the administrator here? The CEO of Blockbuster? The difference between "sale" and "rental" is a word at the top of the computer screen that, while it may be insanely hard to change, doesn't incur any "administrative" costs. And nobody knows what a "processing" fee is because nobody knows what fucking process is being done. In fact, the only "process" I can think of is the guy putting the little blue box back on the shelf. That deserves a fee, for sure.

Along those lines, I wonder what the restocking fee actually is. I'll bet it's like half the cost of the movie.

In other news, Blockbuster has announced that this program is already undergoing significant transformation. Soon, you won't be forced to buy the movie at all. Instead, you get a severe bludgeoning in place of your free rental. If you're more than a week late returning the movie, they just shove it up your ass (yet another advantage to renting DVDs instead of VHS tapes). No more of this pansy-ass "late fee" bullshit.

Tonight: Write an angry rant about something insignificant

Movie Review-Garden State

2004-12-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those "wow" moments after a movie? You know, the final scene darkens, the credits roll, and you just sit there thinking. It's like a good song or a good book: you just feel satisfied when it's over. Garden State gives you one of those moments.

One of the best things about it is that it's nothing like any movie you'll ever see. It's not a movie where you can coherently answer the question, "What's it about?" because the plot doesn't follow the average story line. I guess you could say that Garden State is about people. It's a love story of the highest sort. Not only between a man and a woman, but between a man and himself. It's the story of the most significant journey in a man's life--the journey home.

What really makes this movie stand apart from others is the writing. Zach Braff, who also directed and starred in the film, brilliantly crafted a screenplay that both connects you with the characters and allows you to examine your own life in their context. However, it wasn't brooding or dark in the least. In fact, you often laugh despite yourself throughout.

This is due only in part to the writing, as the acting is also superb. Braff really develops his character (Andrew) as the movie progresses. Natalie Portman shines as the quirky, lovable Samantha who absolutely transforms Andrew's life. All of the other characters are relatively minor in comparison, but they're all well played and accent the depth of Braff's character.

The soundtrack also gets an honorable mention. Featuring Colin Hay, Nick Drake, Iron & Wine, Simon & Garfunkel, and the Shins (among others), the soundtrack is more than just background music. It adds to the mood and meaning of the movie. If my life had a soundtrack, and I wish it did, I'd want it to be this one.

A number of characters in Garden State talk about doing something unique, something like nobody else has ever done. Zach Braff has in creating this movie.

Best quote: "Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

Final Rating: 5/5

Great quote

2004-12-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

In the Denver Post this morning, Dave Barry gave us a look back at 2004. My favorite quote:

In other bad news, the Department of Homeland Fear, acting on credible information, raises the National Terror Index Level to "EEEEEEEE," which is a level so high only dogs can detect it.

Gotta love it.

Tonight: If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here...

Movie Review-The Aviator

2004-12-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

Like every good Jew, I spent part of Christmas at the movie theater. This year, I saw The Aviator, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

Now, before you start making fun of me, you've got to realize that DiCaprio isn't that much of a hack. Sure, he's had his share of shitty movies. But hey, Ben Stiller's career is based exclusively on shitty movies, and everybody still loves him.

Always start with the bad news:

The movie was interminable. Many scenes ran far longer than necessary, and yet the movie still lacked a cohesive structure at times. Before you even realize Katharine Hepburn is gone for good, Hughes is already bugging Ava Gardner's house. The movie would have been better if the wasted time drilling in useless information had been used to explain what the hell was going on. It's not that hard to figure out, but if I'm going to a movie popular enough that I have to battle some lady for a seat in the second row, I certainly don't want to do that much thinking. I want information shoved in my face and down my throat so clearly that not even our president could get confused. Ambiguity and reading "between the lines" are great qualities in literature, but make for very confusing movies; if you spend too much time figuring out the movie, you ultimately lose its meaning.

Despite that, I still thought it was a decent film. Cate Blanchett is a dead ringer for Katharine Hepburn and DiCaprio really explores the depths of Hughes' complex character. Scorsese's inclusion of original Hughes-era shots not only add to the realistic quality of the movie but also reveal the great precision which went into making The Aviator.

Overall, though it dragged in parts, The Aviator is farily entertaining. People who are into old movies, the 40's/50's, or aviation will probably enjoy this movie more than I did. It's still not a bad way to spend three hours.

Final Rating: 3/5

Tonight: Post to your blog after a long break

Breaking News!

2004-12-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what makes the front page of the Denver newspapers. The headline in today's Rocky Mountain News is Left out in cold, and refers to the funniest protest ever.

Every year, Denver has the "Parade of Lights" which is just a fun event for people to come out and enjoy the beginning of the holiday season. It's a fairly Christian thing, so I've never attended. I wish I had this year.

The Faith Bible Chapel here in Colorado entered a float into the competition that (obviously) had a religious theme. It was rejected due to this, as no Christmas parade should actually have anything to do with Christmas. However, their reaction can only be described as priceless. They decided to station large groups of carolers at major intersections in the city.

A spokesman for the church on the evening news last night was very adamant in saying: "this is not a protest." But if it's not a protest, what the hell is it? They're trying to make their voice (heh) heard despite the city eliminating their religious theme from the parade. Looks like a protest to me, but whatever. It's not like they spontaneously decided to shout Christmas songs from the streets and accidentally picked the same night as the parade.

I just like the irony of a group of crazy WASPs screaming "Silent Night" at the tops of their lungs. These are the same people who play fetus keep-away outside of abortion clinics and get mad when the school choir sings "I Have a Little Dreidel." Remember that kid who told you that you're going to Hell because you haven't accepted Jesus as your savior? His parents were in Denver last night singing Christmas songs.

Quite frankly, the entire thing is just ridiculous. I mean, if the choice is an off-key version of "Jingle Bells" or a giant plastic light-up Jesus, I choose über-Christ. Who cares if a Christmas parade has a religious theme? If we're that paranoid about being fair to other religions, maybe lighting up the city and county building bright red and green is a bad idea. But hey, what the hell do I know?

Tonight: Protest the oppression of rich white people.

Quick study break

2004-11-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a two minute break from studying to let y'all know that I am no longer a 16 year-old. Yes, that's right, I'm now allowed to buy my own tickets to rated-R movies. Oooh. Aaah.

Heh, no, despite the lack of new privileges, I had an amazing day thanks to the most wonderful group of friends I could ever ask for. Thanks to all for making this day wonderful.

In a completely unrelated incident, my chemistry class got a good laugh today. It went a little something like this.

Chris: Sorry, I didn't know there was a back to the sheet.
Teacher: What are we gonna do about you, Chris?
Me (under my breath): Burn him!

Cue laughter. I guess AP Euro is really getting to me. Damn Protestant Reformation...

Tonight: Dance a jig.

Reasons to Love Colorado

2004-11-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Both of these were taken yesterday morning in the mountains just outside of Breckenridge, Colorado. Makes you want to be one of those crazy mountain men, doesn't it?

Happy Turkey Day!

2004-11-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm posting on Thanksgiving! Crazy. We went on an abridged vacation to the mountains that was supposed to last until Saturday morning, but that didn't end up working out. Full story and pictures to come very soon.

You'll notice that one of my old favorite links to The Lazer Beam has been removed. Though Rabbi Lazer has devoted much time to his online spiritual guide, I've realized that he embodies the oppressiveness and closed-minded attitude of strict religion. Through a couple of his recent posts I discovered that I do not support that mode of thinking and will therefore no longer link to him.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Remember: despite life's many, many pains in the ass, there's a whole lot to be thankful for.

Tonight: Eat until you puke. Or just puke...

It's Been Awhile

2004-11-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

I've gotta be honest, I don't think this blog is going to continue much longer. There's no way I can balance this with everything else. Instead of writing about my life, I should be taking the extra time to actually live it.

There may be some intermittent posts on here, but the glory days of Exploding Gopherdom are over.

Political Depression

2004-11-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not even going to talk extensively about the election. I'm disappointed, but not incredibly surprised.

The only thing that pissed me off beyond belief was the fact that 11 of 11 states who put a same-sex marriage ban on the ballot passed it. This is a serious thing that our country is facing. The impacts of constitutionally depleting rights are tremendous, and we've got to be careful.

Bush is scary, but watching rights slip away is scarier.

By the way, if you didn't vote yesterday and you're legally allowed to (even if you're a Republican), you suck. There's no other way to put it.

Tonight: Be pissed

Hard to Believe

2004-10-30T19:32:00.000-06:00

The word "liberal" has, for quite some time, had a negative connotation to it. Now I know why. No wonder people think liberals are dumb; reading this stuff, you want to go out and buy Treason, Slander, and How to Talk to A Liberal. But then you kick your own ass for thinking such stupid thoughts.

The entire site is as ridiculous as the critique of the 9-11 Commission Report, but I could only contain my vomit long enough to read the one article. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

You know me--I can't just blast this without talking specifics.

The first "argument" deals with a discrepancy between a video and the government report of what happened in the Pentagon 9-11 attack. The great thing about inventing conspiracy theories is that you can use questionable evidence to prove your point and simply ignore undeniable facts. The theory here is that the Pentagon explosion could not possibly have been caused by a Boeing 757. Here are the ignored facts:

No proof is offered that the FDA faked the radar and hijacking reports of the plane that hit the Pentagon.
A 757 is an awfully hard thing to hide. If it wasn't a 757, where the fuck did the jet go?
The people on that plane didn't just disappear. If the plane that crashed into the Pentagon wasn't the expected 757, where the hell are all those passengers? Moreover, how did their remains end up in the Pentagon after the attack?
There's proof that the Al-Qaeda hijackers were on that flight. If they didn't fly the plane into the Pentagon, where did they go?

Then you look at the technical "proof" described on the site to prove that it wasn't a 757, and there's one massive oversight. When the author describes the mathematical process used to determine the length of the plane, he doesn't take into account the fact that the video frames weren't taken exactly parallel to the plane's entrance point into the Pentagon. So, unless we live in two dimensions, the calculations are worthless because they don't account for the camera angle viewing the incoming plane.*

Not only that, only one set of pictures is used to "prove" this point. I guess we have to forget all the newsreel we saw that had pieces of the plane sticking out of the Pentagon and that the "black box" found on the crash site matched that of the Boeing 757.

Now, just for kicks, let's ignore everything I just said. Let's say that somehow we twist reality enough to believe this theory. The author of the site still comes to no conclusion whatsoever about the overall meaning of this evidence. Reproduced below are the last three paragraphs of this piece:

The bottom qualitative** line is this: either the image is an accurate portrayal of an approaching attacking vehicle and the government is lying about what aircraft it actually was, or else the image is a crude forgery and the government has deceived us and obstructed justice in the investigation of 9/11. Or both!

Now you know why the only way the 9-11 Commission could make the problems posed by the Pentagon Video Frames*** go away was by simply omitting them from its report.

But We The People deserve better, and We will never forget!****

OK, and the "problems posed by the Pentagon Video Frames" would be what exactly? Would the frames reveal that the president, Congress, the FDA, the Pentagon, United Airlines, some Arab hijackers, and a planeload of innocent civilians conspired against us? Of course! How could I have missed that one?

I don't know about you, but if I'm going to buy into a conspiracy theory, it better have a damn good motive behind it. I want to know why Bush and his house of fools would lie about the Pentagon attack. Hell, I hate Bush. Anything I can use against him is fantastic. But while the author reaches a conclusion about what happened, he still fails to explain why it happened.

There's no point in writing any more about this. You get the idea.

Tonight: Watch a movie.

* That probably didn't make any sense because I'm no good at explaining geometrical concepts. I hate geometry.
** Note the gross misuse of a word to give the author a false sense of vocabulary.
*** "Video frames" is not a proper noun or part of one. Ever.
**** This has nothing to do with anything. What a stupid thing to say.

If all else fails, pretend it didn't happen!

2004-10-29T13:18:00.000-06:00

I'm re-listening to the third presidential debate right now, and I've noticed something absolutely incredible. At one point, Kerry correctly quotes Bush in a statement about bin Laden. The quote is very famous, it's been shown on TV hundreds of times, and there's no denying that he said it. Nope, just kidding. It turns out reality is malleable for political gain, and you can pretend you never said something if it's in your own best interest. Bush dismissed the quote, denied he ever said it, and labeled it an "ex-aj-er-ay-shun."

So, I thought, to be fair, I'd step away from my personal bias and try to see Bush's side. Unfortunately, I'm unable to twist reality enough to believe that Kerry's repetition of something Bush said is somehow an exaggeration.

I saw a cartoon this morning that really sums up the problem with the Bush administration. It has a picture of Karl Rove talking to Plato, and Karl says: "But surely you agree that truth can be created by the repetition of a lie."*

It's no secret what's going on here, and yet half the country is sucking this shit down as if it were a McCrapwich. Bush and his goons are actually denying reality; they're pretending that situations or events unfavorable to them simply don't exist.

If this doesn't make you madder than Hell, you need to get your head examined. This kind of government is not democratic, it's not American, and it's not my country.

Tonight: Get pissed

*Bizarro October 29, 2004

Lunar Eclipse

2004-10-27T20:05:00.000-06:00

It's hard to keep thoughts from rambling during a lunar eclipse. My mind always wanders back to the days before humans knew what an eclipse was, what caused one, or what one meant. Many ancient civilizations interpreted it as a divine message--the hand of God blackening out the night's brightest light. Many were afraid of it, claiming it must be an apocalyptic symbol from Heaven.

Some may say the eclipse is just a natural phenomenon, but that doesn't prevent us from reading a deeper meaning into it. Like the ancients, do we believe it is a symbol of dread and fear? Or, due to its temporary nature, is the eclipse a symbol of renewal and hope?

Whether you're a liberal, a conservative, a Democrat, a Republican, or anything in between, you'd agree that this is one of the most divisive points in recent history. Whether you're debating the issues in school, attending a political rally, or just discussing the issue over dinner, you know that this is a time of great tension. If you don't know that, or you simply don't care, you need to get a clue or move somewhere where all of your decisions are made for you. I say that because in this time of great tension and political division, there are still people who don't care. I know they don't care because they don't vote. How is it possible in these times not to let your voice be heard in the loudest and most persuasive way possible? Elections don't happen on the news. They don't happen in convention halls, public parks, or university campuses. They happen at the polls. In a country with so much power vested in the hands of the people, it's amazing to me that anybody would choose not to vote. I guess Dante was right: "The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality." It's not a matter of convenience, or simply exercising your rights; it's a matter of responsible citizenship.

And, as I look up to the overshadowed moon tonight, I ponder its meaning. Will we continue to suffer in the darkness of this administration? Or, will this frightening shadow pass over, leaving the moon to shine again?

The choice belongs not to Fate, Nature, or God. The choice is yours.

Tonight: Vote 2004

Drawing Parallels

2004-10-25T18:27:00.000-06:00

Ron Suskind's article "Without a Doubt" is filled with aspects of the Bush administration that can be paralleled to Orwell's 1984, but this one was my favorite. Check it out:

George Bush:

"I'm going to be real positive while I keep my foot on John Kerry's throat."

George Orwell:

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face--forever."

Keep 'em coming.

Tonight: Drag your feet to slow the circle down

My CD Player is Obstinate

2004-10-22T16:23:00.000-06:00

Whenever I hit "Play" and there's no CD in the player, it just says "no" in the little window. I think it's time for a time-out, don't you?