Sunday, July 30, 2006
Remember when?
Most of my friends know that, while I am often over-sensitive and ridiculously emotional, chain letters are NOT the way to my heart. My casual acquaintances do not have this insight into my personality, though some of them have my e-mail address. The e-mail itself will be in italics. My responses are beneath each section.*
Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.
WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL
IRONY! Maybe if you actually did your homework (or, you know, picked up a book), you would know that the word "cool" does not start with a "K". Idiot.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
I, too, grow teary-eyed remembering a time before famous gang members (oh right, they were "musicians") were gunned down in cold blood or when people cared about basketball.
Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.
Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.
The original Power Rangers
Or what about....
The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Double Dare.
Rocko's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
Salute Your Shorts.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of All That.
Kenan & Kel.
The Magic School Bus.
Flash Forward.
Pete and Pete.
Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Hey Dude.Dinosaurs.
Pinky and the Brain.
Blossom.
Hangin' With Mr. Copper.
My So Called Life
Wishbone.
Bill-Nye the Science Guy.
Kablamm.
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, The Facts of Life, & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
Or Nick Jr. with Face.
Gulah-Gulah Island.
Little Bear.
Under the Umbrella Tree.
The Busy World of Richard Scary.
The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.
The Wonder Years didn't make me want to be in love; it made me want to vomit. But holy shit, this has to be some kind of bad joke. By far the longest section of this travesty of a nostalgic e-mail is just a list of television shows. Is that really my generation? A 1995 edition of TV Guide? No wonder young people have a reputation of being ignorant and lazy; look at how we've defined ourselves.
When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
Unless you're Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, or otherwise not Christian. I mean, I guess movie theatres and Chinese food are exciting, but I wouldn't define my childhood by sesame chicken.
When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
What planet did these children live on? You can't even buy lunch for $5. You can barely buy a gallon of gas for $5. More importantly, if our childhood "miracles" are all monetary, we grew up far too quickly.
When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.
No, I don't remember that.
When Toys 'R' Us overuled the mall.
Everything I learned about power struggles (and spelling, apparently) I learned from toy stores.
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
Now decisions are made by flipping a coin. It's much faster and more efficient.
'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.
This is why you never learned tolerance as a child and are scared of people of different races.
Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.
Which, I guess is why one real dollar was a bloody miracle. This is also where you learned that he who controls the money has the ability to screw everyone else. Think like Ken Lay.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
Where as now being old refers to anyone with whom fornication would be illegal, you slut.
When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
In terms of difficulty, I found learning my multiplication tables more difficult than the old four-button Nintendo controllers, but maybe I'm an anomaly. And I wasn't aware the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever asserted global dominance, but I have a whole new level of respect for them now.
When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.
Right after you begged to go to McDonalds, you fat pig.
When a first kiss only lead to cooties.
Now it leads to herpes. Look at how much we've grown!
When time didn't matter.
This is almost the dumbest one of all. Of course time mattered: these were the pre-TiVo days. You had to be on your ass in front of your TV with a chocolate bar in one hand and a McNugget in the other by the time Nickelodeon was playing your favorite show or you would not be a happy kid. It would be a hard day for Mom if she let this happen.
These were the days we hadn't realized escaped us until it's all brought back.
Thank you, Mr. Chain Letter. I didn't know I had lost my laziness, bad heath habits, ignorance, and TV addiction until you brought it all back.
You know, in all of this sap and nostalgia, there's not a single word about the important lessons we learned as kids nor about how we can apply those lessons today--nothing about the role of family in our lives or the importance of those basic, human qualities we developed as children. Nothing.
I no longer wonder why adults think my generation is superficial.
*DISCLAIMER: All spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors are straight from the e-mail.
Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.
WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL
IRONY! Maybe if you actually did your homework (or, you know, picked up a book), you would know that the word "cool" does not start with a "K". Idiot.
When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.
When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.
I, too, grow teary-eyed remembering a time before famous gang members (oh right, they were "musicians") were gunned down in cold blood or when people cared about basketball.
Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.
Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.
The original Power Rangers
Or what about....
The Secret Life of Alex Mac.
Ren & Stimpy.
Double Dare.
Rocko's Modern Life.
AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.
Wild & Crazy Kids.
Clarissa Explains it All.
Salute Your Shorts.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
The original cast members of All That.
Kenan & Kel.
The Magic School Bus.
Flash Forward.
Pete and Pete.
Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Hey Dude.Dinosaurs.
Pinky and the Brain.
Blossom.
Hangin' With Mr. Copper.
My So Called Life
Wishbone.
Bill-Nye the Science Guy.
Kablamm.
Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, The Facts of Life, & I Love Lucy.
Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.
Or Nick Jr. with Face.
Gulah-Gulah Island.
Little Bear.
Under the Umbrella Tree.
The Busy World of Richard Scary.
The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.
The Wonder Years didn't make me want to be in love; it made me want to vomit. But holy shit, this has to be some kind of bad joke. By far the longest section of this travesty of a nostalgic e-mail is just a list of television shows. Is that really my generation? A 1995 edition of TV Guide? No wonder young people have a reputation of being ignorant and lazy; look at how we've defined ourselves.
When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.
Unless you're Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, or otherwise not Christian. I mean, I guess movie theatres and Chinese food are exciting, but I wouldn't define my childhood by sesame chicken.
When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.
What planet did these children live on? You can't even buy lunch for $5. You can barely buy a gallon of gas for $5. More importantly, if our childhood "miracles" are all monetary, we grew up far too quickly.
When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.
No, I don't remember that.
When Toys 'R' Us overuled the mall.
Everything I learned about power struggles (and spelling, apparently) I learned from toy stores.
Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.
Now decisions are made by flipping a coin. It's much faster and more efficient.
'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.
This is why you never learned tolerance as a child and are scared of people of different races.
Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.
Which, I guess is why one real dollar was a bloody miracle. This is also where you learned that he who controls the money has the ability to screw everyone else. Think like Ken Lay.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
Where as now being old refers to anyone with whom fornication would be illegal, you slut.
When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.
When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.
In terms of difficulty, I found learning my multiplication tables more difficult than the old four-button Nintendo controllers, but maybe I'm an anomaly. And I wasn't aware the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever asserted global dominance, but I have a whole new level of respect for them now.
When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.
Right after you begged to go to McDonalds, you fat pig.
When a first kiss only lead to cooties.
Now it leads to herpes. Look at how much we've grown!
When time didn't matter.
This is almost the dumbest one of all. Of course time mattered: these were the pre-TiVo days. You had to be on your ass in front of your TV with a chocolate bar in one hand and a McNugget in the other by the time Nickelodeon was playing your favorite show or you would not be a happy kid. It would be a hard day for Mom if she let this happen.
These were the days we hadn't realized escaped us until it's all brought back.
Thank you, Mr. Chain Letter. I didn't know I had lost my laziness, bad heath habits, ignorance, and TV addiction until you brought it all back.
You know, in all of this sap and nostalgia, there's not a single word about the important lessons we learned as kids nor about how we can apply those lessons today--nothing about the role of family in our lives or the importance of those basic, human qualities we developed as children. Nothing.
I no longer wonder why adults think my generation is superficial.
*DISCLAIMER: All spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors are straight from the e-mail.
Comments:
Wow, I wonder who wrote that to begin with. The whole email is all about tv shows and food. If that's all there is to be nostalgic about, that is really sad.
Not at all. I just think it's funny to be reminded of them with a sense of nostalgia.
"Aw...remember when we used to get fat together?"
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"Aw...remember when we used to get fat together?"
